better day

sometimes I am scared to be totally honest because I think people will think less of me but I need to be totally honest because I need help.I just left a very sick woman.she was very much like an ex of mine from nine years ago.within two months I realized what a monster he truly was.I stayed with him for a year because he said he would kill myex husband and his family.I lost my custody of my kids and my sanity he was a convicted offender and very dangerous.I wasn't allowed contact with family or friends.he would sit at work for hours and watch me then afterwards would accuse me of wanting my customers.he would sexually horrifically abuse me.I was numb and only found the strength to leave thanks to a hawk counselor and the police.I didn't feel alive and found myself hoping for his death so I would feel alive again. I slept with a weapon nearby and the furniture barricaded the dooRs for a long time.he promised he would be back and I know he will.he has been in jail since because of his next victim...I'm Mad at myself because I just dated someone just like him but only difference is that it's a woman...why would I ever want to go down that road again..I'm glad I left her but scared I'll go back..