scared

im keeping emotions in control but very scared gonna loose it. was ten minutes from her house for 3 days and didnt go cause it hurts badly. yes i miss her but i got so crazy its embarrassing. once i knew it wasnt going where i so truly wanted it to i started getting so emotional instead of just stepping back or walking back then. i struggled and struggled with trying to make it something i thought it was. like at the beginning when its always so damn good then it just gets blah when they put up their walls and dont play nice. guess woke up on wrong scared side of the bed. financially i am a mess but could always be so much worse