hmmmm

wow just had really great vacation with my kids. it was really relaxing and rewarding and i loved every minute of it. yes its over and yes i cried when they left but not as hard as usual. guess dont know how to not feel guilt. i was always meant be full time mom. they are my world. maybe this why for last 12 years since split with their dad i have had only shit for relationships cause knew they werent going anywhere. except maybe this last one which def bit me in the ass. keep being told to find myself. dont really get what this means. i think i know myself. maybe someone can explain to me. im sad a little lost miss kids miss her. drove right past her street and spent 3 days near her house and didnt contact her. havent in two weeks. left her stuff with a friend to give back to her. she broke my damn heart but yes blame 99 percent on myself. why do i call myself crzy. i know what i want just scared shitless. ummmmmm insecurity sucks bad.......................................................