life is a scary adventure. sometimes something can feel so good one day and so scary the next. i am an addict and can get very lost in something that feels good. and when im not one hundred percent secure i tend to loose it and this is what i need not to do. i need to think outside my crazy box and think its not me or end of world if she doesnt want talk or doesnt contact me twenty foru seven. she has her own life and job and has been alone for awhile. i cant just get in car and go see her which is difficult. i need to just sit back and enjoy the time we do get together and try not to freak out. she desires me because believe it or not i am strong and willing to stand up to people for what i want. she is passionate and caring and makes me laugh. so need to slow my head down and just enjoy and not freak out cause cant see her for another 8 days. feelings are beautiful but scary. i cried when she was leaving yesterday and didnt want to do that. i think cause its scary sometimes worry shes not coming back and wont see her again.