sad

i feel like i have lost my best friend. feel like she tore a big chunk of me out and took it with her. she acts fine and i act like i lost my best friend. when i saw her last week i know she is not totally fine but she acts hell of alot better thank my sorry ass. i miss her so much, i miss her smell, and her little hands and the way she made me feel and laugh and like i was alive. cause now i dont feel alive i feel like hell. im so tired of crying all the time and not knowing if today is the day she is gonna just say yup made up my mind we are done. cause we pretty much r. we just still text all the time. they are not totally the same but its still contact. im afraid to let her go 100 percent. im 40 and dont have many people i call friends dont have family near only have kids couple days. i need to get my head removed and change cause this dont feel good anymore.  going to drs this week and hopefully will get some advice. and starting sat on vaca with kids for 8 days. cant wait. they are my world just wish i never made her my world cause now im lost without her