ugh

ok finally stood up for myself. why does it now feel like hell. of course i sent my ten texts after that appologizing sort of. for 5 months have tried to quietly deal with not being allowed over gf house cause her parents not accepting. they type of parents that when they found out about her actually broke her nose when mother punched her in face. so i have kept quiet for most part. her aunt came for visit so i pretty much got shafted as far as seeing gf this week. but then she told me this coming monday prob  wont see her cause they doing family dinner. so it put me over edge. monday is our only day pretty much together. so she chooses to spend it with assholes instead of me. so i blew it and said fine il will just stay home as usual, then said wish she could stand up for herself and me and tell them to go to hell. said then she is being bigger person by going to dinner . then got pissed and said so sick of prejudice ignorant hurtful people messing with my life. i shouldnt be treated like a criminal and wish she would choose me over them. so now shes mad not really talking to me. but hey i finally said how i feel. im hurt im pissed im scared shitless. i stayed in damn closet so long i just want freedom to be who i want to be. i want to be unstressed and appreciated and respected and need someone positive in my life that is not so damn selfish. somedays just wish she would walk away and force me to get a grip. so wish me and kids didnt fall for her.