blah

woke up damn sad and shouldnt be have beautiful kids since tuesday and they are going back to dads today. i really love it when they are with me even though dont always act it. my girls relatives are in town and i cant meet them cause her family sucks. i think i feel really bad for her and not for myself just wish could meet her. i dont have family near by and sometimes wish i did. not really sure why feeling so sad. she told me last night after she called me that she was sorry she didnt talk much but on her way home she dont like to talk she like to unwind. which shouldnt upset me. guess im just different and want some kind of realistic communication besides texting. im loosing it  this morning and dont want to. why should it hurt so bad that her family sucks and that i cant go to her house and think realized yesterday that if her parents are working all day there is no reason why she doesnt let me stop by other than she dont want me there. i think this is why i hurt. im always looking for something damn it. why cant those big beautiful brown eyes be enough.