pain

i just want to stop feeling like this. she just text me and all i got was a boo. so here i go crying and missing her waiting for her to say something. feeling lke wanna get sick as usual. i want to be strong and not needy. and tough. im so hurt and lost and feel like hell/ am i acting like a child it was only four months with this woman. but in that four months i felt more than i did in forty. is that supposed to mean something to her. she just told me it will get easier once i get a few under my belt or whatever like that. i was mortified cause thought she wasnt going anywhere. my kids are pretty upset and i def need pull it together before tomorrow. i wanna hide my phone cause im so sick and dont wanna keep texting her. i miss those damn big brown eyes. and laughing

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

only you can control your reactions, I could drive there take the phone urn it off or change the number but ultimately its all your choices, I hear you saying rejestion is happenig here? that you feel needy and maybe vulneranble? four months w someone that couldnt truly commit felt that nice? what about 4 mths with someone who was able to commit and who honored and held you and the relationship sacred? and yes when you let her know that you felt more in 4 mths then in forty yrs i feel it ought to have meant alot to her and if she was truly in tune wth you and the relationship then those are precious words, wow if anyone had ever told me that I would have been all over them and so happy,,,, for her to tell you that it will get easier once you get a feew under your belt sounds like a push away comment and a disrespect for your feelings and emotions? Im sorry, it sounds cold? What happened from the time of laughter to now?
You do have a responsibility to yourself and your kids to be at a healthy place and you are their example and what they see with you is what they will believe is okay in love and in relationships as they get older, what do you want to show them? how would you like them to grow up to be? self assured and full of self love? hon, I wish I could wave a wand and make it better and the hurt go away,,, Im not sure you can see the truly beautiful person you ar and the beautiful spirit you have,,,, and how many women would feel so lucky to have theat sort of commitment and love~ theres such a difference in day to day being a struggle or a joy.... and thats a decision only u can make, with support and love of friends and group as well as maybe a counselor, (yes i did meantion that again),,,, You are truly a beautiful person inside and out!
alijoezack
alijoezack

cant afford councelor thats why i come here.thank you
deleted_user
deleted_user

You are carrying around a very beautiful sensitive heart which makes your journey a bit more painful right now. At some point, you will need to find the strength and confidence that lives down inside you. She\'s in there,..hidden under some baggage, but she\'s very strong. I know this because you have made some major changes in your life already. It\'s time to call your warrior spirit. Bring her forth and let her guide you. Set up some personal goals and boundaries for yourself. Do not let yourself fail. Grab back your power as a changing, valuable, growing woman and take life by the horns. It\'s time. It\'s there. Trust yourself.
alijoezack
alijoezack

sometimes i think being angry will help me deal with the pain and make it easier. i feel not strong but like a failure i feel pathetic cause there are woman who have it so much more worse than me. it was only 4 months. i have not allowed to care for anyone except my children in so long and now i know whys. i just want to be capable. and strong and not pathetic. and yes i have made a beautiful little girl exactly like me. and i havent even raised her like i was raised. will take some doing to allow anyone near them again. daughter misses her and wants her to come visit. i cant do it. not now. my boys are very supportive and loving. i havent cried in front of them but they know cause they r older and im very honest and you can read my face like a book..... so yes i will remove my head soon. and stop crying everytime i think of her. thank god i dont have any of her smelly stuff in the house i used to sleep on her tshirt cause i missed her so much. ok rambling thanks again everyone