ugh
im so tired. think i finally ended it and not sure its what i want. i dont want to be alone. dont even know why or what i sent for text messages just was overwhelmed and missing her and so damn angry. i never think about myself and i dont think she ever thinks about anyone but herself. i miss her even when shes with me. shes so depressed and i think im right there with her. think i finally pushed her away cause she def not talking to me. i just told her how i feel and what i want and need and guess she dont wanna hear it cause once again she had a bad night at work. hello you work with criminals im not thinking your gonna sit around painting the ladies nails drinking tea. im just tired and sick of begging and being needy and wanna change myself
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This was an intense Journal, what I hear is that you donrt want to be alone, I hear this so often but is being alone truly worse then being with someone if you feel they may not be the relationship that will work? If anyone is with someone and truly struggling in the relationship then what happens when the right one comes along or how are you to find that person or them find you if you are where you wonder if its where you are meant to be?
angry ar what? saying what you need and want? if so then why angry for speaking up for your needs?
You say she is so depressed.... is she willing to talk to a counselor, her job ought to have some excellent benefits with it and yes her job is a high stress job but she choose it for a reason if it is the reason for her feeling depressed then maybe its time for a change in work? talking to a therapist? (just to vent and sound off on and get some insight through) what about the two of you going together, maybe take on some of the relationship issues? This could be a positive thing regardless how the sessins went, you would have some answers as well as some footing and support,,,,, or even counseling for yourself, havig a psych degree Id truy resomment talking to someone and geting off the emotional roller coaster that takes you in circles,,, you deserve a healthy relationship with an adult that can be with you,,,, Im hearing you say thats what you want... is that possible where you are currently? I hear you saying you want to change yourself, which is a very positive thing,,, if you do good things for you then you will feel stronger and at a more healthy place.....hug. being in Psych I found myself when my ex and I was together where I was placing my all into her and the situation could be very controlling,,,,, I wasnt at a good placce and made a commitment to myself for a time of counseling with a therapist I felt comfortable with, and took time to work on me, i couldnt change another but i could change me and the way i dealt with things and my approaches and how I approached what I needed for me, and self love and self acceptance and self care is vital... (hug),, please be gentle and kind to yourdelf and learn to focus on happiness and practice positive and draw to you what is positive,,,,, what we concenttrate and embrace and surround ourselves in life we become,,,,,, just some thoughts..... meant in a very supportive way,,,, been there, walked that journey, ~ need top talk? im always here~ KD