lost

need to pull myself back together once again. dont know why i get so wrapped up so fast. maybe cause im miserable and an addict so when something feels good i want it bad. im tired of crying daily tired of getting sick after i eat. tired of living by my phone waiting for her to text me. tired of living for everyone else in this world. im so damn lonely this is why i have so many pets yet im still sad and lonely. hardest part is my daughter is so smart and feels my pain. my relationship started off so strong and fast and hard and now it is hell. she is so sad and depressed and its killing me. there is no compassion on her part no desire to touch me. and this kills me cause im so affectionate and needy i cant fix her or make her happy or make her love me. not really sure why she stays with me other than she says im all she has. she is 17 years my junior and think if i leave will never find another. hardest part is my kids really like her she is the first person they have ever really liked. yup im rambling im sad and confused and so dont want to be a lesbian today