lost

need to pull myself back together once again. dont know why i get so wrapped up so fast. maybe cause im miserable and an addict so when something feels good i want it bad. im tired of crying daily tired of getting sick after i eat. tired of living by my phone waiting for her to text me. tired of living for everyone else in this world. im so damn lonely this is why i have so many pets yet im still sad and lonely. hardest part is my daughter is so smart and feels my pain. my relationship started off so strong and fast and hard and now it is hell. she is so sad and depressed and its killing me. there is no compassion on her part no desire to touch me. and this kills me cause im so affectionate and needy i cant fix her or make her happy or make her love me. not really sure why she stays with me other than she says im all she has. she is 17 years my junior and think if i leave will never find another. hardest part is my kids really like her she is the first person they have ever really liked. yup im rambling im sad and confused and so dont want to be a lesbian today

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

being a lesbian today is a choice? thatd be so nice if it was sometimes, if it was that easy, but here you are and living in the lesbain world,,, and you came out to yourself and began relationships w other women when? if I was w someone and felt they had no desire to touch me and no compassion then quest is, why? you are right it does affect your daughter with watching you in her life she is learning about life and love and what it can be like,,,,,oh this is a lesson I have learnt all to well over the years....keep journaling~
alijoezack
alijoezack

being a lesbian is def not a choice. i just chose to hide it for many many years. i go off her every mood or i should say used to. shes sad im sad she gets mad i get mad. she says doesnt want sex cause we only have one night together which is totally her doing. she says not enough time. this is my first real relationship so now im all confused and sensitive and thinking im all thumbs and suck in bed cause she dont want me. and u ask why im angry.lol she says too much stress in her life. i say bullshit. but once again i come from very very messed up world where all i was is a booty call for many years cause thats all i could deal with. rambling rambling rambling