Tired
Even though I should really kind of update this journal since it has been a while, like for example how my blood drawing was pretty ok (well I still cried and there was still an extra nurse necessary to hold me down but at least I didn't scream loud enough to be heard all through the hallway) or how my psych was excited that I felt some improvement after a week on 600mg and heightened my dose to 800mg after which I felt crap again for a week which is only getting slightly better since yesterday and which also means I have to go for bloodwork again next week, even though all of this happened and even more such as parties and committee work with a LOT of "horizontal" talk (im updated about my fellow students in the association in ways i wish i was ignorant about)(though, knowledge is power) and i'm still supposed to write some more essays between being depressed and still not knowing the result of the last one i 'wrote' (which was more like an excruciating labour of anger and frustration) and even more than that, I can't be bothered to go neat into detail and write it down in a way that reminds one less of Kant because lately I've found myself a bit tired of confronting myself all the time with my being bipolar. I'm already reminded of it enough throughout the day and having to face it all once again black on white isn't helping right now. I'll make a better post as soon as I can be bothered. Hope everyone else is doing good.
post scriptum; woah, watch me trying to keep it short. disastrous results. btw, did you know how many parties bipolar is making me miss? like, i skip them because i 'know' it's 'better' for me if i don't stay up late and screw up my sleeping pattern and yadda yadda but damn, already missed 4 in a week! Yes there will be more, thank god, but i'm doing the 'sensible' thing now for a few months and it's already annoying me. i'm 20 dammit, i'm not supposed to do sensible things. at least when you get drunk you choose to be dysfunctional, at the moment nature's kinda forcing dysfunctional down my throat with no booze in sight. and of course nature is unfair and karma doesn't exist but something still feels very off and undeserved about this.
</rant>
post scriptum; woah, watch me trying to keep it short. disastrous results. btw, did you know how many parties bipolar is making me miss? like, i skip them because i 'know' it's 'better' for me if i don't stay up late and screw up my sleeping pattern and yadda yadda but damn, already missed 4 in a week! Yes there will be more, thank god, but i'm doing the 'sensible' thing now for a few months and it's already annoying me. i'm 20 dammit, i'm not supposed to do sensible things. at least when you get drunk you choose to be dysfunctional, at the moment nature's kinda forcing dysfunctional down my throat with no booze in sight. and of course nature is unfair and karma doesn't exist but something still feels very off and undeserved about this.
</rant>
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