not sure why i journal. daily strength use to mean the difference from life to death. it was what kept me going. i would vent and others listened and even gave advise even if it was not what i wanted to hear but it helped and it was that that i believe helped me stay strong and keep going. not sure why i feel the way i do. i have 6 kids(2 who have caused great pain but i still love) 2 beautiful grandsons and other family. we found a beautiful huge house for my daughter and her husband and 2 sons and my twins and son. so why am i so blue. i am not suicidal but live each day not caring if tomorrow comes or not. i have allowed the eating disorer to totally rule. losing that battle. depression keeps my locked in my home and only going out if absolutely neccessary.      i miss my adopted mom so much. my biological mother is so confussing and fustrating and my brother who i love dearly lives 20 hours away with my nieces. i have my family here but feel so alone. i know my kids love me because of what i do for them but right now i feel no one really cares if i live or die. sorry guess i am having a pitty party. so i felt this way i wrote it down so to vent and now i will stuff those feelings back down and go back to going through the motions of life until it ends.   i do hope all is well for all my friends.