Every man I have ever loved has hurt me. Does this mean that I have chosen to love the wrong men? My father being one. Or does it mean that men are not capable of loving as I do?
There have been times when I have wondered if all men are defective and unable to love. But in reality, it\'s because we grew up w/ men who were unable to show us affection. We grew up trying and trying to win their approval. It never happened (because they weren\'t capable, not because there was anything wrong w/ us) so we naturally sought out men who were the same as our fathers. It was natural for us to have to WORK for it. We subconsciously were drawn to the same type of man because it felt \'normal\'. And we tried and tried and of course they treated us badly and we were never able to win them over the way we wanted (because, again, they were incapable). This trend continues until WE work on our self esteem and self worth and repair all the damage done in childhood. We have to truly realize, deep down, that we deserve men who treat us well, we shouldn\'t have to bend over backward for it, we shouldn\'t put up w/ any kind of abuse or mistreatment. We deserve better. And when we truly learn that, deep down, we will stop putting up w/ those men, and walk away from them right away. Then we will eventually be drawn to the right kind of men. I still have hope. The quality of men I have attracted has steadily progressed. Still haven\'t found the one, but I\'m not dealing w/ the extremely emotionally disturbed ones anymore.
It has only been within this past year that drew the conclusion about every man I have ever loved has hurt me. Now I\'m afraid that my mind is putting God into that group. In my mind God is a male. It has become difficult for me to pray. I have always believed that God knew what would happen to us. After all He knows all, doesn\'t He? Even factoring in our free will, God knows what we will choose to do, doesn\'t He? If so, and if He truly loves us, why does He allow so many things to hurt us? All I\'ve ever wanted was to love and be loved...is that so terrible? Is that asking so much? I have always been willing to put forth the effort. Too much effort, as it turns out. It is becoming extremely difficult to keep believing in God, in prayer, in love, and in myself. I\'ve had enough tests. He should know by now who I am.
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There have been times when I have wondered if all men are defective and unable to love. But in reality, it\'s because we grew up w/ men who were unable to show us affection. We grew up trying and trying to win their approval. It never happened (because they weren\'t capable, not because there was anything wrong w/ us) so we naturally sought out men who were the same as our fathers. It was natural for us to have to WORK for it. We subconsciously were drawn to the same type of man because it felt \'normal\'. And we tried and tried and of course they treated us badly and we were never able to win them over the way we wanted (because, again, they were incapable). This trend continues until WE work on our self esteem and self worth and repair all the damage done in childhood. We have to truly realize, deep down, that we deserve men who treat us well, we shouldn\'t have to bend over backward for it, we shouldn\'t put up w/ any kind of abuse or mistreatment. We deserve better. And when we truly learn that, deep down, we will stop putting up w/ those men, and walk away from them right away. Then we will eventually be drawn to the right kind of men. I still have hope. The quality of men I have attracted has steadily progressed. Still haven\'t found the one, but I\'m not dealing w/ the extremely emotionally disturbed ones anymore.
It has only been within this past year that drew the conclusion about every man I have ever loved has hurt me. Now I\'m afraid that my mind is putting God into that group. In my mind God is a male. It has become difficult for me to pray. I have always believed that God knew what would happen to us. After all He knows all, doesn\'t He? Even factoring in our free will, God knows what we will choose to do, doesn\'t He? If so, and if He truly loves us, why does He allow so many things to hurt us? All I\'ve ever wanted was to love and be loved...is that so terrible? Is that asking so much? I have always been willing to put forth the effort. Too much effort, as it turns out. It is becoming extremely difficult to keep believing in God, in prayer, in love, and in myself. I\'ve had enough tests. He should know by now who I am.