vacation

Had to go to work tonight for round robin vacation. I am a union employee so everything is done by seniority. I sat there for an hour an a half, one round of first vacation choices from 13 employees and 59 requests in all. I wondered why I was there, will I be able to work, will I be alive and how does one in our situation plan for things 9 months from now. I'm tired, I don't feel well, I'm short of breath, I'm depressed. I don't know what tomorrow holds let alone months from now. I had to excuse myself and cry,