I went to the psychologist yesterday, what a joke that was he ask me how I'm doing after 4 months of not seeing him and I tell him I've got a full plate as I'm telling him this he asks me how my mom handles all of this stuff that's going on and I said well my mom is really a lot different from me she mostly puts everything in the back of her head and stays strong for everyone else so she can do the things that are necessary in order to keep things organized and planned out in advance.  In the middle of what I was telling him I had mentioned that I was trying to do the same thing he said to me I'm asking about your mom and how she deals with it; I felt like just falling apart right then and there in his office.  I felt like saying well let me just call my mom right now on her cell phone and you can talk to her directly.  Geese that ticked me off and totally made me upset worse than I already was.  I haven't slept in a couple of days and I'm just totally exhausted but can't sleep I've never understood that theory.  My grandmother is not doing well at all she has been in bed for almost two weeks and not responding to anyone, she either has her eyes closed or she's looking at the ceiling.  We were just told she has a enlarged spleen and liver and there really isn't anything you can do to treat it.  She has a condition call cerebellum degenerative disease, it's where your brain shrinks and you slowly start to loose all of your organ, muscle, anything the nurse has told us that she now doesn't even have a gag reflex, she was aspirating her food so they put in a feeding tube.  Having this disease is torture, humiliating, intimidating, and there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to treat this disease and or cure it.  Its like parkinson disease except with parkinson they have medications with the disease she has there really isn't.

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Wow! How are you feeling today????