Why do I do stupid things?
I just read back the 76 emails between the N and I from Sept 16, 2009.  He went through quite possibly every human emotion in that day.  He pulled every N trick in the book that day, and in all my responses all I did was keep trying to comfort him and keep things under control.  The whole day was absolute chaos.  I was so firmly caught up in his web of insanity.  WTH did I read those today, why am I keeping myself energetically connected to him when we haven't spoken in over 8 months. 
I just want to erase him from my mind and my heart.  Instead i just keep prolonging the pain, hurt, confusion, disappointment, fear, heartbreak and bewilderment. 
Let it go, Harmonytwin....just let it....go.  Please...



I know letting go is easier said than done. One of the things that helped me was to get rid of the emails, notes, cards, letters, etc. If they weren\'t around, I wasn\'t temped to go back to re-read them. One of the things I say to myself when thoughts of him creep into my head is this: \"N is the way N is because N is the way N is\". I can\'t change him, won\'t change him and don\'t even want to try anymore. I spent too many days of my life on him. He won\'t get anymore of me because I am worth more than that and deserve better. I am not angry at him anymore and don\'t wish bad things for him. In fact, I wish good things for him.

QUIT BEATING YOURSELF UP!!!! Go do something creative!


sometimes I think in reviewing it is part of the letting go process..you just need to reflect and remind yourself to clarify and to be sure and sometimes even to recut the wound in an attempt to cut the emotional tie

I know that sounds abit weird but I have found myself reliving my experiences with my family here and telling and retelling the same story...and anyone watching me might think what the hell is she doing..she\'s torturing herself or like you said...renewing the energetic connection..thats stupid right? well I don\'t think so because I have spent a long time in therapy and a long time watching my mind and I know for a fact the reason I keep going over things is to solidify my belief that this was abuse, these are infact bad people..it is better to keep away from them, they really did hurt me and do crazy things and I am not insane...

And I suspect my friend that if you examine your motives very carefully you will discover that you are doing the same because you were emotionally abused by a man who you thought was the love of your life and your best friend and who made you the happiest woman in the world for a really long time...and then you realised he was nuts....well that kind of sudden turn around and mental abuse..is going to require some solidification in your mind and it is going to take a while to settle in....because it makes no sense to the common or ordinary man..so maybe you needed to read those texts to prove to yourself one more time that you are not nuts....you really did not lose the best man in the world and this is an N we are dealing with here....

And maybe you might need to run through this acouple more times to..and you know what thats ok hon....

I dunno thats just how I see it....

I love you ya know



I don\'t know if we need to let go, or let God. Sometimes the past comes back to haunt me, but as long as I can learn and grow, to realize I have moved on a bit, I guess it is ok. Don\'t feel so bad about where you are at. None of us is perfect, and recovering from pain always takes a while. You are special, and you should not question your motives, your needs, but allow yourself to use them for good. Easier said than done, I guess.

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