Oh, My Dear Father In Heaven. 
  How do I cope with all the changes? How to I go from one day to the next?  I just don't feel like I can keep up.Pulmonary Anurisms, End Stage, 21 day in house respratory rehab in Los Angeles, This test, that test. This week no make that STAT!  I feel like the world is moving at warp speed around me and I am standing still.  My head is spinning, I am scared.  I am not sure I understand what they are saying. Or is it what they are not saying?  What does this mean END STAGE?  Oh, I know what it means but what does it mean.  Can't we stop it.  Call a Halt to this crazy ride.  I DON"T WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I want to take my marbles and go home!!  21 days in Los Angeles.  That is 3 hours away!!!  I don't want him 3 hours away.  What if something happens?  It will take me at least 3 hours to get there. At certain times it could take me 5 or 6 hours because of traffic. I haven't driven in LA in 33 years! Please stop this crazy thing!!!!!!!!
   Medical disability, Now later? Can we financially do that? Do we have a choice?
   The only thing I know, The only thing I understand is I want My husband, My Sundown, My Funny Dancing Bear here for as long a medically possible. But above all I do NOT want him to suffer in any way.  I love him with all that is in me.