Here we go again

I have had three years basically panic free.  That ended in November when I found out that my blood pressure is up and had to go on meds.  In the middle of February I went for a check up and my BP was even higher.  So more meds.  And tons more anxiety.  The last month has been hell on earth.  I have been soooo miserable.  Getting through each day is like running a marathon.  I tried to go back on Prozac, just couldn't tolerate it.  It makes me even more anxious. 
Last night my husband got upset with me.  I had a BP reading of 176/111.  I was really worried and basically worked myself into a panic attack.  Once I calmed down, somewhat, he freaked out on me and told me that I am weak and I make him anxious and nervous.  Basically, that he doesn't like being around me.  I am so hurt.    I know this is hard on him, and our daughters.  I feel TERRIBLE about putting them all through this.  If I knew how to stop feeling this way, I would do it.  I would do  anything.  ANYTHING.  I have seriously thought about suicide.  I hate putting my kids through this.  Maybe they would all be better off in the long run without me.  I am such a mess.  I have tried to get counseling, with no luck.  I have an appointment on May 31rst.  That is real helpful right now.  
I pray to God everyday to please help me work through this.  I dont feel like he is hearing me right now.    PLEASE GOD, help me.