Uh, I dont even know where to start.  I havent been online lately because I have been so busy with my life!!!  I have just had the craziest couple of month.  Ok, I will try to start at the begining.  First, my oldest daughter was diagnosed with a heart condition in late January.  She then had a heart procedure done in mid February.  She did beautifully and is doing well.  The condition she was treated for is SVT (superventricilar taccacardia)  which is a fast irregular heartbeat.  This in itself is not SUPER dangerous.  But after she was diagnosed, I did find out that there are several members of my family who have this condition.  The more it is seen in families, the increased likelyhood that it can be dangerous and even fatal.  Has anyone every heard the stories of how a perfectly heathly child is out playing basketball (soccer, baseball) and just drops over dead?   Yes, this is what she had.  Our options were to do nothing and try to teach her how to slow her heart rate down when an attack occurs.  (HUH?, Yeah, I never really understood that one!!), put her on medication for the rest of her life(she is only 11 and that just seemed too scary for her to have to take a pill everyday.....in 20 years the drug she was taking may have been found to be dangerous...and then I would have such guilt!)  Third option, the one that we chose, was for her to have an ablation procedure done on her heart.  The doctor went  into her her heart with a cathator and studied the electrical rytthym in her heart, when he found the misfiring circut, he froze that circiut, and she it cured.  We still have to go for a follow up in April, but so far everything seems to be fine.  I am so thankful that she did well.  There was always the chance that they could have hit the ""wrong" circut and she would have required a pacemaker.  THANK GOD that did not happen.  I of course was a mess for a couple of weeks, but all in all, was able to be very strong for my daughter, which is what a mother should do. Last week I found out that I will not have a job after this Friday.  The businesses that I did the accounting for have closed.  So I have a couple of days to finish up with my stuff, and then I am unemployed.  I cant evern go into everything with the job right now.  Let's just say that I feel very betrayed and deceived.  I was told by my supervisor that I would not lose my job, last month.  Then last Tuesday he called me in and told me there was no work left for me.  The people who kept their jobs all are the management's "Bar Buddies".  They all go to a local dive at least once or twice a week.  I do not enjoy bars, never have, so I was never a part of that group.  So, I guess that if I would have been "one of the guys" I would have gotten to stay.  I was so upset, still am, but this is the push I need to get out of there.  It is just a crazy place to work.  They have layed off over 150 people in the last month.This comes just 3 months after my husband lost his job.  He has been able to find another position, and never really was unemployed.  He went directly from one job to the other.  However, he did take a large pay cut.  So if I dont find another position before my uemployment runs out , our income could be down 40,000 for the year.  Very scary.  I am trying not to stress too much, hoping that something better will come along soon.   Last week, my daughter, (same one that just had procedure done on heart) was found to have an abcess in her neck.  She had her tonsills out when she was five, and the abcess has formed were her tonsills WERE.  I had never heard of such a thing.  But it is kind of dangerous because it can lead to additional infections at other places within her body.  Including her heart, which may be a little more suseptable because of having her procedure so recently. (About a month ago)  So, again, I have been VERY worried about her.  She had 2 CAT scans last week, and numerous blood tests.  She was very very opposed to going back into the hospital, so our pediatrician agreed to let her come home and try the antibiotics that she perscribed.  This doctor was just wonderful, she called us every night last week to see how she was doing.  I am glad to report that my girl is doing so much better.  She even went back to school.   Now, my youngest daughter and I have this flu.  I have basically been on the couch since Thursday evening.  I hate to whine, I was really trying to get past that type of behavior.  But I am to the point that I dont think I can take one more thing!!  Even though I have the flu, I have been having a hard time sleeping.  I am afraid that I am going to go back into panic mode.  I have not had a panic attack since October.  I am still taking the anti depressants.  But have not had to have a Xanax in a long, long time.  I just dont want to go down that road again.  So I am here for some preventative maintenance per say.  I am sorry to some of my friends who have dropped me from their friends list.  I realize I have not been here to help you.  I guess I just got to the point where I thought I was "cured".  I have been trying to work on my faith, and realizing that everything is in God's hands and I must surrender my fears to him.  That is were my focus has been for the last couple of months.  I hope that you can forgive me.  I guess this is yet another lesson......I am just not sure what I am supposed to learn yet.   Hugs,Julie