I have hurt someone I love completely with my careless words. Why do I do this to myself? I make life so much harder than it has to be sometimes. I say things I dont mean, that are mean spirited and just pain dumb. I dont want to be that person. I am not that person most of the time. It hurts so much to look at him right now. I see the hurt and disappoinment in his eyes. He doesn't deserve this....yet I dont want to lose him. What if it's too late? What if I have crossed the line, that cant be crossed again. Oh God, I am sorry.....I am so sorry....It takes 5 seconds to say something hurtful and forever to make it right. He has done things that have hurt me badly....I forgiven him...I need to work on today....not the past. I am once again disappointed in myself. My lack of confidence in myself is again rearing it's ugly head. I need to improve myself.....lose weight, work on holding my tongue, and just in general be happy. I have gotten there in the last couple of months. I have felt more like myself in the last 2-3 months. It was just one day....I have to forgive myself....I just want him to forgive me.....my heart hurts for him....I love him....I respect and admire him.....