Well I had to work today.  I am now free to go do what I want.  But I am avoiding going to my parents.  Why??  Well, there is a huge picnic there today.  No I m not worried about hanging out with people.  I am worried about how the day will play out.  I have come to realize as I have been working through my anxiety that a lot can be attributed to my family.  My dad in particular.  He is just someone who can take a perfectly fine day and ruin it.  For no known reason.  He will pick an arguement, or just be generally unpleasant for unknown reasons.  He has always been that way.  There are times when he is fine, but other times he is just not a nice person to be around.  It is never anything major, he will be playing a game, and everything has to be his way because it is his house.  And it just makes things so uncomfortable at times.  He is not a horrible person, just has never matured in that way I guess.  Brian has told me from time to time that I act like my dad and fly off  the handle for no real reason.  I dont want to be like that, so then in turn I bottle everything up inside.  It is a no win situation.Anyway, so here I sit wasting time, so I dont have to go!!!  I feel like crying right now!! Which is crazy.  I think I feel guilty for feeling this way because my dad has had a heart attack in the last year, and I was really worried about him.  But at the same time I just prefer to not be around him.Well I guess I will go and face the music.  Holidays are never the most pleasant days for me.  My husband is mad at me but that's another story!!!Have a great 4th of July everyone.