Well the quick fix isnt going to come this week anyway. I have been trying to limit the amount of xanax I have been taking. I had to have 25 mgs both today and last evening. I was fine, until my husband arrived home from a trip. I usually am very happy to see him, but I thought he might be upset because I was on the computer (on this site) and that seemed to send me over the edge. I took a pill and then went outside and walked in our driveway for about a half hour.
I JUST WANT TO BE ME AGAIN!!! I feel like an alien has taken over my body. I can not be like this long term. I have two daughters who need me, not the shell I have become. Please someone tell me that this will go away!!
I want to wake up in the morning and just do my normal stuff, I dont want anything above the norm!!!!!!!
I cried last night as I walked up and down the driveway telling myself that I was a worthless piece of sh#t. And at the time that's how I felt. I dont want to feel sorry for myself.
I really hope the consuling that I will begin in the next couple of week will help me. God knows I need it. I have prayed to God and asked him to make me whole again. No more anxiety, no more panic, no more chest pains, no more crying for no real reason.
I CANT STAND THIS!!!

A year ago I was just your normal working mother. Busy, crazy, tired, but I could handle life just fine. Now I am a failure................