Back to square one. I lost 45 pounds (eating low carb) last winter and have now gained it back. I stepped on the scale this morning and wasn't sure what to expect, now I know. I have to draw the line in the sand. I have to start somewhere exercise...smaller portions and healthy choices. I know what I need to do why do I find it so hard to control? Is it because control issues? What is that deep down issue that continues to cause me to make the bad choices when I know how to make good ones? My feet, knees and back hurt all the time...sure they do from the weight. I should be 165ish or less not 277! I have a wedding to be in this June...I can't even get excited.
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Hon, I know exactly how you feel. Several years ago, I lost 104 lbs on Weight Watchers and kept it off for four years. Then, my thyroid gland died and had to be removed (which started the weight gain) and the wheels otherwise came off of my life. With my life still broken, I have now regained every single pound I lost. It\'s heartbreaking.
What I know is that, when life is good, my food monster is pretty manageable. When life ISN\'T good though, my food monster pretty much runs the show. Yesterday was a good example...I ate a reasonable lunch, then I ate a candy bar for dessert. Physically, I was completely full. But, I had gotten some bad news the day before concerning a situation I really needed to come through for me, and my life just seems to continue to unravel, despite my best efforts to make things better. So, even though I was full, because my food monster is weary, scared, angry, frustrated etc., I went back to eating more of what I had eaten for lunch, even though, with every additional bite, I knew I was full. Beyond full.
As of today, I\'m hovering around 300 lbs. When I DO look at myself in a mirror these days, I\'m horrified at how big I am. It\'s heartbreaking. My lower back screams in pain if I have to stand or walk around for more than 30 minutes or so. And, my poor knees are being tortured as well.
My birthday is next Sunday...I\'ll be 59. What I know is that, in trying to deal with everything I\'ve had to deal with in life, starting from when I was five years old and my middle brother would swear and tell my family he was going to stab us to death as we slept, food is about the only thing that gives me comfort. I think I overeat because I feel like I don\'t have anyone in my life who cares enough to try to help my daughter and I not to fall into the abyss. I overeat because I don\'t have anyone to really talk to. (My daughter is 22, and sometimes, like yesterday, she doesn\'t want to listen...even to just ordinary conversation).
My life has pretty much been a horror story. If I had chosen illegal drugs, I\'d be a drug addict. If I had turned to drinking, I\'d be an alcoholic. But, I chose another kind of drug - chocolate chip cookies. I find myself feeling so envious of people where food isn\'t an issue in their lives. I can\'t even begin to imagine how that feels.
What I know is people don\'t get to be 50 lbs overweight, 100 lbs overweight and more by accident. Most of the time, it has more to do with than just \"loving food\". We\'re eating because we\'re hurting, and food is what we\'ve chosen to try to deal with the hurt. Until we work through whatever the pain is, our food addiction will remain, and we\'ll continue to gain weight.
I know what you\'re going through, hon. All I can say is, no matter how bad it gets, don\'t ever give up. Never, never, never give up.
Hugs,
Janice