Two weeks later... ...the entire massage class (all 5 of us) were SO giddy today.  It's the study-induced sleep deprivation.  The most recent topic was the lymphatic system.  The information is more fiddly than some of the other things we've learned.  It wasn't until last night that I finished re-writing my class notes, and then at 1:30 AM realized that I hadn't really begun to memorize the info I would need for the test, which was OF COURSE this morning. I got to school early and spent about a half hour trying to absorb all my notes.  Thought for sure I was going to lose half points all over the exam.  After the mid-morning break we got the tests back.  99. How the hell am I managing to do this? School (work) is rapidly coming to a close.  Several major events must occur before June 23rd, which is student's last day.  There's a nasty situation brewing in the department with one of my colleagues, it's going to end with her being fired at the end of next year.It's demoralizing and frightening at the same time because as far as I can tell it's not happening for any good or valid reason other than personality conflict.  And if it can happen to her, it could happen to any one of us. Last Wednesday another colleague in my department asked me what I would do if I won the lottery.  For the first time in 28 years I said (with regard to teaching), "I think I would stop." I've never said that before.  It took me by surprise, and then I realized, even worse, I meant it. So that night I had another BAD case of existentialism and was up until 2 in the morning.  I had a good conversation with my anatomy instructor at lunch today and it helped... ...because it was all about career change and what am I doing, and can I do this without impoverishing myself and wishing I could retire to Provincetown tomorrow. But here's the upshot of all the angst I went through this week: For males starting a career in massage therapy it is not unusual for it to take 3-5 years to become established (for females it typically only takes about a year).  AND, to succeed, one needs to have a niche market or service.  I don't know yet what mine will be, but then I've still got not quite a year left of this program and there are several classes I haven't had yet that will help inform that set of choices. If I do want to shift careers it looks like the trajectory will be something like this: teach full time for at least 5 more years while I develop a massage clientele.  Drop the teaching to half time to maintain health insurance for at least another 5.  Retire at 60 and massage full time.  During the decade shift the part of the client base could be developed in Provincetown during the summer month, so potentially make enough connections that I really COULD retire there when I'm ready to leave teaching altogether. Life's a dance you learn as you goSometimes you leadSometimes you followDon't worry 'bout what you don't knowLife's a dance you learn as you go. -John Michael Montgomery. I don't know how to act my age.  I have no experience.  I've never been this old before. -Steven Wright.