The staff met at 8:00 this morning to talk about when/what to tell the children. Most already knew because the parent phone chain was activated yesterday, although a few parents chose to let teachers handle the news. Each classroom teacher was to hold a meeting after the children arrived at 8:30 to talk about Ellens death. Our school psychologist put together a handout giving a useful script giving developmentally appropriate talking points to address the kinds of questions, fears, concerns that children would have. Every classroom teacher had a second or even third adult present for emotional support. Additionally, teaching assistants from other schools came in for the day, should anyone feel overwhelmed and need a break.

I was assigned to be the second adult in one of the kindergartens. As it happened, that classroom teacher was absent today for a previously scheduled professional commitment so I was the one to tell that class. The children were very sweet about it and handled the conversation well. At the kindergarten level their questions and comments were very concrete and likely to be about the closest connections they could make. One boy asked, is she going to the cemetery or in the fire? (meaning, will she be buried or cremated?) I dont know, I said, I suppose well find out later this week. Other children were wondering if she would have seen the memory book that the school made for her. We assured them that it was finished on time and that she had indeed had a chance to see all those last messages from them.

Honestly, I dont know how I made it through that morning meeting, my voice kept breaking. It was probably the hardest thing Ive ever had to do in my 25-year career. The rest of the day was an emotional roller coaster - I'd be fine, then some little thing would bring the tears again. Thank goodness for routine, I think it's what saved me today.

I'm exhausted.

Oh. and I ate so much crap today... bleah.