DEPRESSION
I am down and don't know how to get up!!!
It seems no matter what, I can't get well and doctors can not give me an answer....I wonder if it is stress that brings it on..I feel unhappy here in my home...have a nice home, in ground pool...it is just so boring...of course my FEET still hurt so much, I can't do a lot...but was happier when we were traveling..The joy of only having to clean a 400 sq ft area then having the work it takes for this house. I know I lost interest in this house after we started paying to have the yard done..wasting money..chemicals for the pool...if we are going to stay in Fl 6 months why have this house...a small condo or apt would work fine..barely got in the pool last year...HUBBY AND I can't agree...my family seems to be falling apart. Doesn't seem it is...my hubby so family said I was no longer welcome..therefore for now they are out of our lives...thats ok except it hurts my hubby...another 2 years will have to replace the liner in the pool...everything in the house has been changed out..be 70 next year time to start making changes...where has the years gone...met my hubby at 49 now 20 years...get on line to play words. Favorite game then these stupid men want to send me selfie pic of their you know what...disgusting..if I was going to get involved it would not be cyber-sex...our best friends for 3 years blew us away after we got back to Fl after Christmas...don't know why...oh guy was married,they are just friends he says no sex.....so what's his issue..I say is that what all men tell other women..sad world...he is pretty stupid too, from my home town...street he lives on...but I cut him off ...I like not happy...either work on marriage or get out...sure she would love to know while she works..this internet can be of great use yet it can create a lot of problems...probably causes lots of divorces or unhappy people...Hard to fathom Ken has been gone over six years...for what...what has it gained but pain...Life changed forever....I truly hate it...There is just no reason or purpose that I know of why. I exist better today than I did in the beginning but I still think it is just existing....waiting....and then wonder at times I think waiting for what....what is there I wonder at times but have to have hope...MRI showed cyst and Spurs on foot....yet foot dr said nothing she can do...guess should see another dr. Take my MRI's maybe...4 Disk problems in neck, disk problems in back that goes to the feet...maybe I would not be so down if feet worked...oh and few months ago found out DIABETIES...NO FEET PAIN NOT FROM DIABETIES..oh and ex is in Prison. Great for my boys...my husband and I went on our 20th year cruise...it was lousy. Ship was too big...too crowed..room was very small. Balcony was great. Best part...Food was so so ..very disappointed...nothing like our others we had taken...ever go again will be smaller ship....VENTING AND RAMBLING...THAT TIME OF YEAR I GUESS...thanks for caring...
It seems no matter what, I can't get well and doctors can not give me an answer....I wonder if it is stress that brings it on..I feel unhappy here in my home...have a nice home, in ground pool...it is just so boring...of course my FEET still hurt so much, I can't do a lot...but was happier when we were traveling..The joy of only having to clean a 400 sq ft area then having the work it takes for this house. I know I lost interest in this house after we started paying to have the yard done..wasting money..chemicals for the pool...if we are going to stay in Fl 6 months why have this house...a small condo or apt would work fine..barely got in the pool last year...HUBBY AND I can't agree...my family seems to be falling apart. Doesn't seem it is...my hubby so family said I was no longer welcome..therefore for now they are out of our lives...thats ok except it hurts my hubby...another 2 years will have to replace the liner in the pool...everything in the house has been changed out..be 70 next year time to start making changes...where has the years gone...met my hubby at 49 now 20 years...get on line to play words. Favorite game then these stupid men want to send me selfie pic of their you know what...disgusting..if I was going to get involved it would not be cyber-sex...our best friends for 3 years blew us away after we got back to Fl after Christmas...don't know why...oh guy was married,they are just friends he says no sex.....so what's his issue..I say is that what all men tell other women..sad world...he is pretty stupid too, from my home town...street he lives on...but I cut him off ...I like not happy...either work on marriage or get out...sure she would love to know while she works..this internet can be of great use yet it can create a lot of problems...probably causes lots of divorces or unhappy people...Hard to fathom Ken has been gone over six years...for what...what has it gained but pain...Life changed forever....I truly hate it...There is just no reason or purpose that I know of why. I exist better today than I did in the beginning but I still think it is just existing....waiting....and then wonder at times I think waiting for what....what is there I wonder at times but have to have hope...MRI showed cyst and Spurs on foot....yet foot dr said nothing she can do...guess should see another dr. Take my MRI's maybe...4 Disk problems in neck, disk problems in back that goes to the feet...maybe I would not be so down if feet worked...oh and few months ago found out DIABETIES...NO FEET PAIN NOT FROM DIABETIES..oh and ex is in Prison. Great for my boys...my husband and I went on our 20th year cruise...it was lousy. Ship was too big...too crowed..room was very small. Balcony was great. Best part...Food was so so ..very disappointed...nothing like our others we had taken...ever go again will be smaller ship....VENTING AND RAMBLING...THAT TIME OF YEAR I GUESS...thanks for caring...
Replies
I logged on to DS tonight and was immediately drawn to your journal. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and soul. I know how you feel. Sounds like you have a lot of medical problems. Recently my daughter was talking about moving and I got so excited because I knew if she moved we would move and I would have something to look forward to. She and Jeff are our only two children; and I help our daughter out some with her youngest daughter. We have lived in this house for 40 years and like you a change would be nice. At least you get to travel some and that is something to look forward to. Hope you feel better soon..
Hugs and love to you My Friend...Nell
Vent away! You put into words a lot of feelings and frustrations I find myself wrestling with. Looking around, questioning \"what\'s the point?\" and emotional and physical exhaustion.
Pain, and chronic pain sucks. It literally sucks the energy, hope and spark out of people. I know. Since I broke my back last year I am living with chronic pain as well and it takes so very, very much to do anything, doesn\'t it?
I am so sorry about your last cruise. It should\'ve been a safe, relaxing haven for you.
Keep rambling, keep writing your journals. Believe me when I say you are so not alone...
(((hugs))) Merrilee
Dearest Sandi. I feel for you. I was in that black hole not too long ago. I can totally relate to not being happy at home. Despite my friends and cat, It just holds memories. It is easy to look at a photo of Lisa and start to cry.
Having said that, I am okay right now as I am crazy busy. Yesterday I was trying to keep track of emails about 3 events I am helping to plan - a community picnic in the park in August, a nursing class reunion in September and our FMO retreat in Branson in October. I was cross eyed by evening but I had no time to fall in to the abyss. I also make a point of walking every day - not really an option for you. I think the getting out of the house is as beneficial as the walking.
Your home sounds beautiful, but if it is no longer bringing you joy, I can understand you wanting to downsize. It is hard when your husband is not quite on the same page as you though.
I too am happiest when traveling. I love seeing new things every day and not having to worry about the mundane things like cleaning the kitchen, which is a huge mess right now - I was too pooped to pop last evening.
I hope you can get some answers for your feet. It sucks when you are in pain all the time.
As for venting - this is the best place to come. Bring it on!!!!
Love and tight hugs, M
Understanding the ebbs, flows and automatic pilot times on this path. Sometimes just knowing that others are walking alongside of us is all that we need to help keep us moving along as best as we are able.
Hoping that in the sharing comes some relief and that you begin to feel better on all levels. When one is in physical distress it just heightens our grief path because it just doesn\'t feel as if there are any reserves to pull from.
Heartfelt (((hugs))) of care and continued healing,
XO Joanie
(((((((((((((((Sandi)))))))))))))) I sooooooooooo understand. IT. AII .SUCKS.