What a horrible weekend - my life is falling apart. I've lost my job and now after all the work I do - I'm at school  longer than anyone else - why go home? (I teach bilingual spec ed/low IQ self-contained) after after all this the mother of one of my kids is having a fit and threatening to sue saying no one cares about her son. One complaint is the handle of his backpack is torn. This my lowest student who I have to plan so much extra for and this is the thanks I get. My car insurance was canceled but worst of all I'm to the point where I never want to speak to my 22 yr old son again. He won't help with anything at all even tho I'm overwhelmed. He has spent every Sat & Sun at his girlfriend's house for the last 1 1/2 yrs and won't give up even one day to spend with me. I have paid his car insur and cell and he won't pay anything for it even tho he works 35 hrs a wk. I paid $2400 to fix his car on the condition he give me a few hrs one day to help around the house - (over a month ago) & now he won't do that. I'm taking 2 classes & working 2 jobs and no one cares that this is killing me but my mother. My son owes my mother $900 for a lap top he put on her credit card in Oct & hasn't paid a dime of it - even tho he got a check for $2500 back in financial aid. I can't remember the last time my life was good.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh, gosh, it\'s all pummeling you at the same time. I don\'t know where to begin. I\'m terribly sorry you\'ve lost your job and your car insurance both - that would be overwhelming even in good times, but here you have all your other issues to deal with and the economy is also still so slow.

Have you asked your son for help directly? Sometimes with my kids, I hint or wait for them to offer after I tell them what\'s going on. They usually do help if I ask them outright (but they\'re older, too).

I can see how overwhelmed you are. Nothing is scarier than financial problems, and if it causes you to work several jobs and be in debt, that\'s awful. I\'m glad you have your mother to care and hear you out, so that you don\'t feel completely alone in the world.

I know what you\'re saying - what\'s the point of being at home NOW?

I have only hugs and empathy for you - wish I could offer you some constructive suggestions, but I just can\'t think of anything right now. Keep on venting here and meanwhile let\'s hope that things start turning around for you so that you can look back on this weekend as the lowest point and things were better after that.

Hugs, Gail
Mgould
Mgould

I scream and yell and plead and beg and bargain - I have paid hundreds of dollar in the last month and the condition he to ..... - which he promises. Then he doesn\'t do anything and one time came back with the comment \"I\'m not husband there\'s no reason for me to do it. I feel like getting in a car and driving away and never coming home.
doyew
doyew

My heart goes out to you and I hope some rays of sunshine come through for you soon. I know it is very hard to be ignored by this son who takes and takes, but never steps up to the plate for you. I have read many articles and seen many Dr. Phil shows on this type situation. It\'s time for you to think of YOURSELF. Perhaps you should take the $$ you have been giving him and hire repairmen, yard man, house cleaning service or whatever you need to help you get through this time. Tell yourself: \"I deserve_______________\" and let others know what your decision is. Some immature people will never step up and assume responsibility until they are forced. This is not an easy thing to do, but remember: You Deserve BETTER! I do hope things change for you very soon.
Blessings,
Doye
deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m so sorry for your troubles. Being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs. I found out that raving and complaining doesn\'t get you anywhere, it actually makes things worse. We have to learn that our children grow up and if we want them to enjoy helping us and spending time with us we have to treat them the way we treat friends. You would do better using your money to pay others to help you, let him learn responsibility and carry his own way. Be his friend, listen to him, be happy when he comes to see you. Little by little you will start to see the difference and when you less expect it, you\'ll find he\'ll be helping without you asking.
As parents we have to understand that change begins with us. Don\'t want to sound righteous, I\'m talking to you as a voice of experience, once I was where you are today.
Mgould
Mgould

Good advice - you\'re right. What makes it more difficult is when I go day after day with about 5 hours of sleep. My job is overwhelming with the work and if I want to have any hope of getting my job back I have to be certified in ESL (english second language) and I was taking 2 classes at once - which was hug amounts of work but I have to do this now - I can\'t do it later. I told all the kids I would need more help for the next few weeks. But what really makes me upset is that he hasn\'t paid my mother anything he owes for her credit card - so selfish. I believe he finally did last night but his life has always revolved around him. My other 2 kids are fed up with him too. They don\'t feel it\'s fair that he makes a mess then leaves & their right. Every one says I should drop him from our car insurance because he won\'t pay any of it but I don\'t know.