Lately I have slipped into this......... I don't know what to call it, anyway what's going on is I refuse to do anything around the house (I've always been lazy, but this is beyond normal), I don't feel like spending time with my kids, I don't want to do things I usually enjoy, I just want to sit in my room and make Roger wait on me so I don't have to leave it. It's taking a toll on him and he's been really overwhelmed and it's making him depressed and angry. I know it, but I feel like I don't care. I love him more than anything and my kids mean the world to me, I just feel like I don't care. I don't why, I don't know what's wrong with me. I know I have never been a very good wife and mom, but I am going more and more down hill. I work off and on, but it is so hard for me to keep a job. I get upset and angry too easy and I am afraid of everything. It's been snowing and I am terrified that I will get in an accident so I refuse to leave the house when there is snow on the ground. So Roger has to walk Joseph to school and walk to the store a few blocks away if we need anything. Not to mention he does all the cleaning, most of the care of the kids, and half the cooking. I just don't know what to do anymore. I thought about killing myself, but I wouldn't do that to my kids. Then I thought about just running away and how good it would feel to have no responsibilities at all, but I know that would hurt my kids more than if I was dead. I am a horrible wife and mom, so why am I even here? Why did God do this to my husband and my kids? Maybe I just took on to much for my age and my problems. I know I should have waited, but it's too late now. I made my choice and now I have to live with it. I want my kids to have a good life, but I can't give that to them. Not in the shape I am in now. I even resent my oldest son. I don't know why, but I can't help it. What is wrong with me?
Replies
Listen my friend. I definitely don\'t know all the answers. In fact I know very few. But, we all need to look around and see what we do have. Sounds like Roger is an awesome person. I believe this time of year can really take a toll on people. Just because it\'s Christmas time people get this outlook that everything is wonderful. But it is very demanding on a lot of us. I too am in a rut. I\'m back working, but have quit going to church. Just have lost the urge to go. They say life is like a roller coaster and it sounds like we are both on the down side. You are reaching out for help here and thats a good sign. Wish I could snap my fingers and make it all better, can\'t do it. Maybe instead of asking God why maybe ask for His help and strength. It works for me. Focus on that love Roger and the kids give you and make that your foundation, your strength. I wish there was more I could do. I will pray for my friend and her family. We are in this together and together we will get through. Take care & God bless you and yours, James