I had one of those moments today that sort of snapped me back into harsh reality, just when I was thinking I had nearly outrun it.  A little thing, but one of those moments, just the same.  I was checking out at a store and the cashier commented that she liked the necklace I was wearing.  I said thanks and mentioned that I'd gotten it for Christmas.  Then she said, "did your husband get it for you?".  I know, little thing.....normal question, but suddenly I was in a completely different world from the cashier I had just been enjoying small talk with.  In that moment, I was acutely aware that I was different and then I had that momentary discussion in my head about whether to mention my husband had died---no, that makes me sound too sad---would make her uncomfortable--would sound like a Debbie Downer trying to get some sympathy----so instead I did the default response: I smiled a fake smile and said, "no, I got it from my sister".  All the while I'm thinking, "no, it's not from my husband---I don't get to share Christmas with him anymore---you are in your world where you wake up Christmas morning with your husband and decide if you should cuddle a little more or get up and open presents and I'm in my world where Jeff's stocking is a cruel reminder lurking in the box of Christmas decorations and where people ask simple questions that can reduce me to tears out of the blue".  Ugggh....just when I think things are getting easier, I get a reminder that the wound is just below the surface and can be reopened with a simple comment in a casual conversation.  And I had to stop myself from getting inappropriately angry at the cashier---you know, assuming she doesn't even appreciate how good she's got it---how unfair is that attitude on my part?  But then, fair doesn't seem to apply here. I'm glad I smiled and walked on....glad I waited until I got to the car to let that first tear fall....and glad there is a place where I can admit what I really felt with people who "get it" .  In many ways I guess "our world" will always be different from "theirs", but at least we are among good company here at DS.  And tomorrow I think I'll wear a piece of jewelry Jeff gave me and then if someone asks if my husband gave it to me, I can honestly smile and say, yeah, great taste, huh?---I'm definitely lucky to have found him.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I fill the same way you do,when this happens to me i do tell the person my wife passed away and most of the time the person that i told this to treats me with kindness and understanding,it will make u feel better.
STAY STRONG ---HUGS DANNY---
bostonjules
bostonjules

You just don\'t know what\'s gonna set it off most of the time...but that poor cashier, that was gonna be trouble...I\'m so sorry for that episode.

i had one of those horrible moments recently, but thankfully, I can\'t remember what it is. Maybe it means I\'m having a good day today....maybe I\'m just forgetful. Either way, I\'m really thankful...

Thx for sharing..

jules
deleted_user
deleted_user

I still wear my wedding ring to I get that a lot of times. \"Looks like your husband is going to get a good meal tonight.....\". Simplier to just answer as if my husband is still alive. It hurts.....but it would hurt more to \"explain\".
Hugs, Dianne
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn

We all receive the innocent comments and I\'m sure she was trying to be friendly. That being said, respond in the way that is easiest for you. You\'ll probably have different responses at different times. All of them are fine. Sharon
deleted_user
deleted_user

CJ -
It is amazing how the most simple of statements or questions that are said in the most innocent of ways can reduce us to tears in a matter of seconds, when we least expect it. Yes, my friend, I tend to agree with you that I guess we will always have these moments in \"our world\" which is very different from theirs.
I also still wear my wedding and engagement ring and I get comments about how lucky I am (which IS very true) and that I sure must treat my hubby well.......etc. I just smile and agree..........what else can I say?
Sending you a hug and yes, Jeff has great taste !!
Chris
deleted_user
deleted_user

yes, yes, and were so very happy to hear from you, just to hear, how your doing,.. whats going on,.. Funny how we can put on the fake smile,.. just to get us thru.// I ve done it,.. for sure,.. hoping for a better day,.. your friend, Dave