Jeff-
It was 14 mos ago today that God called you home.  I think about you all the time and probably haven't had a single day when I haven't talked about you to someone for one reason or another.  You certainly live on in the work you started here that is continuing, in the kids, and in my best memories.  The boys played in the soccer tournament today and when Quinn found out what field they were on , she said, "that's kind of neat....that's the same field Daddy watched his last soccer game on."  When the boys won (convincingly), she seemed even happier about the field #.  I have to say that I was a bit taken aback by her comment at first.  I wouldn't have thought that any memories of that day would have conjured up good images for her, but maybe it's a protective mechanism, or maybe the wisdom of children.  She has  a lasting image of you doing what you loved to do and the last thing she remembers you saying to her was "goodbye" as we went to the car.  She talked about you again at dinner and I know she misses you, but she seems very much at peace and content knowing that you are safe with God and she will see you again some day. I, too, am finding peace.  I always knew you were the one for me because you made me a better person and I feared after you died that without you here I couldn't possibly be my best self anymore.  But I'm finding that the impact you had on me is still there, and all I need to do is stop and consider the dialogue we'd have if you were here, and I get the inspiration I need to set goals, make decisions, and reach my potential.  In the past year I finished my book, learned to say no rather than pile on tasks I can't possibly complete, gotten a new job/promotion, and run a half marathon.  These are just a few examples of things that happened because I could draw on the inspiration you gave me and believe, as your wedding band reads inside, that "anything can happen".  I'm not so stupid or cocky to think that any of my successes are really mine to claim. I would NEVER have accomplished any of these things without you and without the grace of God. I draw strength from both of you. Thank you for giving me enough love to sustain me, enough confidence to inspire me, and enough laughter to echo in my memories and bring a smile to my face when most needed.  I love you, hon---always did, always will. I am grateful for our life together, for the blessings it brought me, and for those that are yet to come. You were always my anchor---now you are my sail. 
 

Replies

lespreludes
lespreludes

What a beautiful, joyful story to share. It is so good to see that you carry your beloved husband\'s heart inside of you to inspire you.

Today, July 18th is 14 months as well since my husband went into cardiac arrest. It was the last day I spoke any words to him, or him to me. You have inspired me to write later on this day too.

Peace be with you.
lespreludes
deleted_user
deleted_user

That is such a beautiful story and an inspiration to me. I was feeling a bit sad before I read it - and wrote a sad journal entry of my own, but after reading yours I realize that Mark made me feel that I could do so much, that the world was mine for the taking, he gave me love and confidence and hope - and that is still all here, inside of me because of him; because of the love that we share. He was the best - his love is always in my heart, it surrounds me with warmth and safety. His laughter brings me joy - and makes me see so much of the world through that humor. His spirit lives on with me here.

THANK YOU for writing this wonderful journal entry - it has made my day.......
Hugs to you,
Chris
wannabebeachbum
wannabebeachbum

Thanks, Chris and Lespreludes. I often find other people\'s journal entries inspiring. Glad to know mine was of interest to you both. Have a great week. You are in my prayers.
CJ
taylorsk
taylorsk

CJ, I am so encouraged from reading your journal and profile page. Thank you for sharing and for being here. Taylor
wannabebeachbum
wannabebeachbum

I was going to say, \"glad to be here\", but then none of us would really say that we\'re glad to be a part of this \"club\" would we?! At any rate, I AM very glad to have the support of many DS friends and I\'m glad you have found your way here among us. Although you\'ll have to walk this journey on your own two feet, there are plenty of us to hold you up when you start to fall---we\'ve all been there and still are on any given day. Hugs-CJ