Why?

I was doin better than she texts and once again i drop she said we chill on her bday n didnt text than tell me shes sorry n she had a odd week what bout me im bein tugged around amber watches me go up and down like a boucny ball work is not helpin i work from home so im isolated n i feel like a fuck up wit amber i tried cuttin but the stupid knife wasnt sharp n since kevs accindent burnin doesnt do it anymore im drownin n i just want to be saved the angel i loved is dead n is replaced wit this look alike but its not her she died thats the only way i can function i feel her arms around me n thats my angel not this thing n the demon is makin himself present as always i cant tell if im crazy or if hes real idk