IDIOT STUPID PUNKS!!! DUMB FRICKEN IDIOTS!!!...THEY DIDN'T PUT ICE CREAM ON THE SIDE AND DIDN'T HEAT UP THE BERRY PIE AT ALL!! THEN THIS PUNK COMES ON THE PHONE AND SAYS "WELL, YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR IT SIR IF YOU WANT IT!!"  WELL I WOULD HAVE PAID FOR IT JERK!! WHEN I PICKED IT UP IF IT WAS IN THE BAG!!!....CUZ I ORDERED IT THAT WAY!!! LET ME SPEAK TO THE MANAGER!.....WHAT'S YOUR NAME?? WHAT'S HIS NAME!!??? BLAH BLAH!!....AND ....fuck!!.... (ooops ...just then I realized I shouldn't have used the "f" word, but it just slipped out!!...I was stoopin down, "street-talkin" now....) .........so the manager is like "you don't have to use that kind of language with me sir"....I know.... "but you don't have use that kind of language".....(he had me now) ...BUT I'M UPSET...."I know sir but you don't have to use.....it's not me...... talk to me that way.....blah blah".............he totally had me there...I lost my cool big time.....I only said it once but it was enough.....DOESN'T HE KNOW THAT I'M ON WEIGHT WATCHERS AND THIS IS MY ONLY NIGHT TO BINGE AND THAT I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT ICE CREAM????? ....I'm not hungry anymore ...I'm too upset to eat....well, maybe i'll have just a little....i guess i can go to the store n get some ice cream.....i feel bad that i yelled at that manager on the phone.....I was pretty mean....but his idiot employee was a downright nasty peice of crap!....the manager did say he'd take the whole charge off....i don't care......shit I ain't ever gonna lose weight if this is what it takes!! and then i come on here and there are no messages or hugs or nuthin!  Maybe it was the last journal I wrote about G-d?....maybe i'm being punished!....maybe i pisssed people off? .....or maybe they think i'm blasphemous or sumthin n they don't wanna go to hell themselves...n maybe they think i'm a devil or sumthin.....stupid restaurant.....I gotta make an amends of some kind to that manager for swearing I think...he didn't deserve that......of course maybe the employee who thought he could be such a snide ass to me will think twice next time. 

*here's the journal I wrote BEFORE I headed out to pick up my take-out food* 

**what a crappy night this is turnin out to be!**

well, as I pulled in to my complex i heard and felt something funny going on with my car....yup the tire went totally flat!!......i had 2 choices to either stop right there and change the flat tire on the street or make the 4 sharp turns required to get my car in to my garage.  I decided to try to make it to the garage...along the way i heard all sorts of scary noises and one really scary snapping sound!  I dont know what that was...i can only imagine....but I make it to the garage.  Now I am not one of those mechanically inclined dudes but i figured i could change a flat tire.  so i'm  getting everything out, all nice and neat and ready.  Where's the flashlight when ya need one? I knew I should have replaced that garage bulb!  So I'm huffing and puffing and puttin all of my fat in to this tire iron thing trying to get those stupid lug nuts off, funny... I'm thinkin if I'm so big and I'm putting all my weight on the stupid thing how come those screws won't budge... What the..., do they put those things on with glue or sumthin!!?? Finally I manage to get a few of em off so then i get the jack thingy and place it behind the tire like it showz in the picture...corse it just has these tiny arrows pointing behind the tire or sumthin so like EXACTLY WHERE you're suppose to put it still remains a mystery to me...but I think I got it right, so I begin cranking it up...I never remember if you're supposed to take ALL the lug nuts off BEFORE or AFTER you jack a car up??  So I get the car mostly up...I figured since I wasn't sure I'd take 1/2 the lug nuts off and bring the car about 1/2 way up on the jack (perhaps this is how I've been living most of my life...halfway?....hmmm....)....so eventually i started taking more lug nuts off and bam! the car falls off the jack!  Almost smashing my fingers!...no great shakes but i can't figure out why...i figured it had sumthin to do with my garage being so slippery or sumthin...so I try to figure out what is the best thing to put down to make the jack not slide so much.  After going through idea's...cardboard, plastic container tops, etc. I settle for an old bathroom carpet cuz of the sticky rubbery bottom.  I'm so smart I'm thinkin this thing will never go anywhere.  So I jack the car up again...this time ALL the way up...I take the bad tire off...and try to get the spare tire on and realize I didn't get it up enough cuz the screw things on the rim do not match up with the holes on the spare...the holes were too low so I figured tha t .....hey...whu t  the fu...ahhhhhhh!!! the car is coming towards me!!!! hell...l..l...p BAAAMMMM!! the car slams down on the garage floor on the bare round disc brake thingy or axle or whatever the hell it is!! This black stuff comes flying out all over the floor near where the car fell (which barely killed me by the way), so I take a look at the bottom of the jack and notice it's all twisted up beyond recognition....so I'm thinking maybe the nice fluffy bathroom carpet which is great to step on after coming out of the shower is not the most stable surface to place a jack on.  I'm thinking that a peice of cardboard would have been a better choice...or the plastic lid...hmmmm...  So I try to stand the jack up to see if I can try again but the bottom part is so twisted it wouldn't even stand up.  So, AAA is coming over.  They must be thinking, "what kind of bozo is this who can't change a flat tire in his own garage!!".

AAA JUST CAME!...THE GUY SAID THERE IS A REASON WHY IT FELL OVER: 

Lessons to be learned here:  #1.  If you have a bad tire that you know needs to be fixed don't keep filling it up with air every few days, take care of it! Even if you can't find the receipt cuz you think it was one of the newer tires that you got with a "forever" guarantee on.  #2.  Never try and change a tire in a slippery garage! #3. It's probably not a good idea to take too many sharp turns when riding on a flat tire (too soon to tell the damage yet). #4 OK the guy from AAA just came...when I told him what happened he grinned at me and asked "did you have the EMERGENCY BRAKE on?"...."er... no" I replied....he continued, "well that's probably what happened...I'd bet my pay check on it!".  Hmmmm so maybe it wasn't the slippery garage, or what I put down under the jack....although it might of had something to do with it the bottom line is YOU NEED TO PUT THE EMERGENCY BRAKE ON BEFORE YOU CHANGE A FLAT TIRE!!!...Ahhh the power of distinction....this guy had the distinction of knowing how to change a tire.  Just like I'm hoping those weight watcher people know how to help me lose weight and keep it off forever.  Like if they have the distinction or knowledge and can transmit that to me all should be well.  My first weigh-in was tonight, I lost 4.2 pounds this past week.  The girl in front of me lost 4.4 (she's a show off!, I'm gonna beat her next week no matter what!).  Of course then I had 1/2 hour to go before the meeting and I hadn't eatin all day...so I went to KFC and gorged myself! hee hee...I think I saw some others from the group in there too...but I went through the drive-thru, and parked my car away from the drive-thru and merrily munched on the wings n legs n baked beans n cole slaw...then I rolled myself back in to the meeting.  I got a silver star for losing weight.  Oh and I love those fruity low calorie candy things they sell there but last week I only bought a few packs and ran out.  Tonight I bought 14 packs...which is hundreds of peices n I've been eating them ever since I left the place...hmmmm my stomach feels funny though.  Now I feel like going to a restaurant n gettin one of their warm berry pies with ice cream thingies...hmmmm maybe I'll get 2 of them...uhm...maybe some ribs to-go tooo! (I ain't bingin in front of people by myself n all though, I'll call the restaurant to do carry-out...) Afterall, tomorrow I must begin my week of torture....no more sugar ...but first I gotta finish all the yummy KFC chicken (the crust is the best part I think...it'd be just plain ole' chicken without that crust!)....Ok I gotta go...uh I gotta make a very important phone call.......

ONE MONTH PS. :  Ok, so it's been one month tomorrow since I wrote this novel and here's where I stand at present....I guess I'll "de-privatize" this one finally:

A.  I haven't been to weight watchers in two weeks, I had lost 6 pounds total before before I had a "holiday binge".  Afraid to look at the scale....who knows how fat I am right now!!??....not sure if i'll go back....things seems hopeless on that front.

B.  My car makes this terrible squeeking noise everytime I move the wheel...I need to take it to the shop to assess the damage from the failed tire-change.

C.  I got a complete credit for the meal I ordered due to the ice cream mistake which created a psychological melt-down due to dieting and other issues I haven't yet dealt with successfully....have yet to make proper amends for my rudeness, however, but plan to.

D.  My contact with friends on DS has dwindled down to just a few...who, in spite of their own difficulties, see it in their hearts to put up with me (God bless em!).

E.  Right or Wrong in my beliefs about God I have come to the realization that it is not fair of me to potentially risk removing hope from others who DO hold on to faith.  I mean what I do know for certain is that faith is a choice.  To choose an agnostic or athiestic belief seems to be filled with a hopelessness that I can't seem to deal with very well, and based on statistics apparently most others can't either.  Although, for me, it is hard to comprehend, or believe that we existed before our birth or will exist in some way after our death.   But that does not mean that we won't, or haven't been here before.  I am glad that I wasn't born as a fish...or a snake....to be born in to this world as a human I must be grateful for that....to wonder about my purpose....or if there's an afterlife, is just one of the many perils of being human and having a brain etc. that some people deal with...but that's not so bad really....and there are enough religions and enough philosophy's to choose from to make that downside bearable.  Personally I think I'll choose to believe in something....outside myself...for right now....I mean they all seem to have that in common, right?....They all put God outside of their reality right?....Even if, as they say, God exists "inside of us" and all that, so if it is inside of us then it is inside of you also....which means not inside of me exclusively, henceforth, OUTSIDE of me (somewhere out there) is where this entity supposedly exists, assuming it exists at all.  Yes, it seems much more workable to choose to believe in the existence of something and have some hope, then to choose to believe we're floating on a large peice of dirt with wet spots, only kept alive by a ball of hot light nearby...with no "caring" creator...and no meaning or purpose unless we make one up!  That is a tad depressing ya know?........Hmmm I just had a thought....what keeps the Sun from going out?.....I mean how does it just keep burning like that for so many years?  Continuously and all....?  If you light a fire in space how long does it burn for??  Did they try that experiment on the moon?  I wonder......

If you read this whole thing from beginning to end...Bless You!  You must be a good friend with a Heart-A-Gold n lots of patience and I thank you!!  That was a great gift to me!, you get a gold star....oh and if you're only reading this last sentence?....YOU'RE CHEATING! GET BACK UP THERE AND READ IT ALL!!   LUV n HUGS!!

Harry

"Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime" video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIVh8Mu1a4Q