I was driving home in my car in "sterile Scottsdale" after havin a burger n hot dog from a place that claims to be from Chicago and I thought...what a joke!!...you can't make food that tastes like it's from Chicago unless you get it IN Chicago! It's not Chicago "Style", it's just a good burger, or hot dog, or whatever, that is born and created in Chicago, which btw is where I'm from...oddly enough I haven't met too many others on this site from there, but that's no matter...i was just thinkin ... far far away ...in a place not too long ago I remember...bein with people, in unique places, ...being with people as unique as their dogs...well, not really... more...LIKE THIER DOGS!...in cool dimly lit basements, some with large flags covering a wall, and some, with people on chairs sitting around, usually waiting, restless, talking of sh*t!, dreams that in no way were gonna happen but in the delusional thinking of the day... all believed...well, some didn't, some lacked dreams....i remember the chatter... you're a vegetarian? who's going in?...Really, she's getting out? i remember the uncontrollable shaking hand of one,....sleep overtaking another, as night falls, ....as they began to come....what day is it??...It's Friday night...some just wanna have fun...one couple walks in, all showered up, with their date, they seem uncomfortable bein there, making small talk...clearly nervous....the looks, the glares, they don't want to be there, they think they understand, but they don't, they leave, the screen door bangs startling some....while others sit low, and sweaty in a chair they've been in for just too long...just too long....the nervous fake laughter of the "gofer"....oh, the poor gofer!....the degrading yet understandable life he leads...a friend?...security?....a backstabber in the end....it was an exciting time, a fun time, an incredibly scary time, a deadly time, the ones that didn't make it....pause....remember them....cold....somewhere....warm now....then cold again....I guess I was lucky you could say, right? ....I got out.....I left.....couldn't handle it anymore........couldn't handle ME anymore....a mind gone so astray....a body damaged from the day....morals....their morals disappeared....friends though...smiles...welcomes....laughter....jealousy....oh to feel jealousy!!....to feel hurt!!....just to feel........................away..........................I go away...........................it's warm here.............it's Hot here....................my porridge is too cold..................please sir, may I have some more?.................................numb now...............................................alone...............................can't have fun without a huge amount of fear and anxiety now............................................it's too late.....................................my Being remembers the fear.It will not let me enjoy that which caused so much fear,so much pain,so much loss,I been there,but am not there,I remember but do not feel,I Am but I am not Real...
Replies
oh Harry..that was really intense...
Oh honey........ what to say xxx be strong
*huggles* that was intense...