Stupid Autobody Shop !!
Ripoff Car Rental Place !! Stupid Me For Not Asking When The Car Will Be Ready!!!!! 
The World Is Full Of Trickery!!! People Will Take Advantage Of Easiness !!! And Ignorance!!! I'm pssssed b/c I should have asked or insisted that the car be ready in a certain amount of time....BASIC STUFF!! But I guess it's a live and learn type of thing...I haven't been in many car accidents (thank G-d!) therefore I am not knowledgeable in the goings on of bodyshops and car rental places so that now my car has been in the dumb shop getting painted or whatever the heck they're doing with it for 3 weeks and they're still not finished!!! which is over six hundred dollars for the car rental!! I already cashed the check from the insurance co. (by signing/cashing I agreed it was the "full and final" payment) which was only for a little over three hundred for it....why am I so stupid about this stuff!!..??
I have no motivation to do anything
...I hate these psychiatric pills!!!...they're f%$#*&^ up my life!!! and I didn't have much of a life to start with! now it's really getting screwed over!!...at least I'm not eating sugar...a boatload of fruit...but no chocolates, candy, cookies, real yummy's....I'm still not losing any weight however probably cuz of the stupid medications I'm taking probably loaded with salts that keep the weight on...plus no exercise...I'm really getting sick of my life...
It's the world in general...my kitchen in which dishwasher leaked and water messed up the cabinets is not done...you see, if you don't call people and basically make a pain in the ass of yourself people don't really give a damn!! I just called the guy and he said he'll do it next week for sure...but if I hadn't called he'd let me sit with a screwed up kitchen forever!!!
I screwed up my life...if I could only go back....If I only knew back then what I know now...man would I have done things differently!!...Anything would have been better than where I am at now....And I feel like my life is over in a way but it's really not...I just don't have any support...when I mention to some family members that maybe I'll go back to school they just roll their eyes, no encouragement...
I've become so apathetic about everything... I just don't care about anything anymore... and that is not the way it should be...I see so many happy people on DS doing things and striving and going and having friends and living and travelling and on and on and on ...and I can't get going...there has got to be a way...
Damn! I thought I would be taking "happy pills" and I'm anything but happy....true I'm not insanely fearful or paranoid or delusional or anxious like I was before...instead I'm depressed, unmotivated, lonely, tired and hopeless and the fricken shrink wants to pat herself on the back because she got me this way!!! It's a crock!!! sad thing is maybe the pills are letting me see my life for what it is...hmmmm?, and maybe that's what's bumming me out?, whereas before as I dwelled in anxiety
and fear and paranoid delusions (about most likely false stuff) I was oblivious to the state of affairs my life was really in and actually about. Or that could be crap, maybe the pills just put me in a state of depression and made me non-functional...unable to function and do things... who knows?....who cares?....does it really matter, the "why" I'm this way?
Well, I've got to go through this bleak frozen tundra!! I've got to pull myself up out of this mess...I have a boatload of papers to go through, unpaid bills, etc. etc. life doesn't really give a damn that I'm feeling hopeless, the people who will decide my fate are unmoved by woe is me crap....we are all in this crapper together....I've got to remember that I'm not alone, far from it, and somehow I've got to push on and s u r v i v e...
hmmmm should I delete this journal entry?? It's very depressing...makes me look bad....not funny or uplifting....really downlike....it's a bad day...what's wrong with writing about a bad day??
I've always been concerned about what others think of me....that's pretty pathetic also, but really, who cares? Maybe someone reading it will get something out of it, or can relate to something...I mean I always like reading other peoples journals even if they're going through terrible times so why can't I let others see me the way I really get sometimes??
Well, I guess I'll click on the submit button....oh geeez....
Replies
Believe me I can relate,you sound like me!I sure hope this awful mood gets better soon.I think you should copy and show this journal to your therapist.Opinions are like a*&^%# holes we all have one,but they don\'t mean we are right.I sure feel bad for you and I really understand,I have a falling down dump home,bad plumbing,washing clothes by holding a vacuum hose on the water line til it fills up,a real pain.My floors are falling out,we are walking on road signs we tore down!I also got screwed from a car wreak, lousey lawyer,insurance mess.I really understand and I know it can get better,please try to hold on,don\'t give up.The sun will shine again I promise,just do the best you can,you can\'t help that other people are so sorry,just try not to let them ruin your life.Try to find joy in small victories friend.I will pray for you.I am glad you let it all out,and I hope it made you feel a little better to blow off some steam here,among friends,where it is safe to.I care,we care,God cares even though it don\'t feel like it some times.Try to set goals,try to do one thing a day to make your self or your life better.I wish I where smart,I wish I knew what to say to help,I really wish I had a magic wand to fix it all for you.All I know to say is I understand and I care,and I am sorry.My heart goes out to you.
Just vent and let it all out. You\'re not lying, people are pretty selfish. I hope the pills are helping you rather than hurting you. I know mine help. That is what they are designed for. You deserve to have the edge off. But they don\'t take away emotion, they make you more comfortable feeling it. They are not a magic bullet, you may still have these motivation problems, apathy as you wrote about. Just take baby steps towards your goals. Also, you can\'t do it alone. Keep in strong contact on here, and hopefully you will find some friends in the real world you can chat on the phone too as well.
i know just how you feel. i\'ve been there so many times and still go in and out of those times. it seems like when it rains, it pours. it is indeed frustrating, and it\'s hard to remember that this time of difficult times will pass when you feel so badly and things are hard. i assure you, though, that things will look up. if you need to talk about anything, i\'m here..
Everyone needs to vent their problems and frustrations...no one expects your journal entries to be all sunshine and flowers...on every life the rain will pour now and again. Hope you feel better now hun.
never be embarassed about your journals. don\'t delete. write what you want. it\'s YOUR journal, golly!
don\'t concentrate on the past... you can\'t change it, right? focus on the future. you have control over your future. decide what you want to change, and make steps to change it. and take what time you need to make such changes. :)