Day 1

I'm going to start documenting some of this so that I know what's going on and can recall it .So this morning Telly and I spoke about how she doesn't feel we're as close as we used to be. She didn't say much, she never does. I hate that she doesn't seem to want to talk, she'd just rather ignore it and hope it works out. She does give me some good points and I try to take them to heart. She did tell me that she feels I'm not around as much. Part of that is true, I almost cancelled on Barrie on the 18th, cancelled on the funeral, and missed her brother leaving. That's two misses and one that I almost didn't do. But I keep thinking of what I have done in the past and what I've done lately and I don't feel that I should have that hang my head or it should be taking this great a toll on our relationship. She told me to be there when i say I'm gonna be there and don't be late. I guess that equals out too, I missed a handful of small things before we broke up and got back together in November. I'm just going to try and keep doing as I am and see if it gets any better. I don't like the sound of it coming to an end and I want this to work out, I love her so much.I was trying to make plans with her today and asked if she wanted to do something after my meeting. She said maybe depending on when she woke up. We agreed that I'd message her after my meeting and she'd message me when she woke up. Well my meeting got cancelled so i sent her a text saying I was gonna go for a nap. I should've asked her to text me when she woke up cause then we could've seen if she wanted to make plans. Around 6:30 her facebook status said she didn't really want to do anything at all today, but unfortunately she's gotta work tonight. So I texted her around 10 asking if she was okay and she said she was. I'm not so sure, but I'm gonna try and drop it and hope for a better tomorrow. Chantelle helped me alot this morning. I really miss spending time with her, kinda miss living with her. She's a really great friend, what I don't like is that I can't tell her everything that's going on cause I know the friendship bothers Telly. Nate and I are really busy lately, I'm hoping the trip to Kingston will really bring us closer and give us some time solidify our brotherhood. Candace has come back into my life, and we're getting closer. I'm happy for that, I really missed her and how close we were. I try not to give away too much of my problems with her though cause she's a friend of Telly's and I don't want her to be in the middle of this. I try to just make it so my feelings are clear. I don't know.Today is starting off bad, I get to hang out with a friend or two tonight, hopefully that will lighten me up. I'm getting sick of feeling like no matter what I do, it's always ignored. I'm kinda in that sense where I'm just not going to help anyone anymore. Maybe that'll be better...