Today was an emotional day. I guess the homeopathic remedies are working because I began the ones for fertility this weekend. I can not seem to feel normal like I did a week ago, then again if the rememdies are working then I must be in my PMS phase. If I get AF in 8 days then I know that this is all working and I am going to be a healthier me.Today in church the priest was talking about forgiving people...the season to make my soul stronger by spending time with God and most of all forgiving myself. I just wanted to cry in church because all I could think about was forgiving every family that was siting there holding their new born or little one. So I began with forgiving my cousin for all the hurt he has caused myself and my family. A few hours later when I went for a walk I forgave my ex-SIL for moving on and having a beautiful baby. I guess I did feel better.Maybe one day I will forgive myself for lossing our baby, but right now I just want to wallow in self pity.As Christmas approaches I am struck with the feeling that I never really enjoyed the holiday because I always needed to be in charge of things. For example: I planned Christmas by Lamplight with Dh and a friend last night. I baked for most of the morning then began cooking our turkey dinner at 2pm, then at 4:30 we ate and left for the lamp light outing. I really did not feel fulfilled, sort of like the built up to go was better then the actual event.I need to enjoy every moment then trying to plan it. Maybe this new year I will work on doing that.