I had a great day yesterday...went to we will rock you then watched a touching movie and went to bed feeling pretty good...then today came. Mother's day...a day to remind me that I am an only child, a day to remind me that my mother will be feeling even worse remembering the birth of my brother and all of the mothers day we had spent together...so there we were in church. I could not sit with my parents because there was no room on their bench so my husband and I moved to another place close to them. All I could see were happy families...parents, children and grandchildren. I tried to make it through mass by reminding myself there were other people living in marginalized conditions and do not have the luxugy to worry or feel sad because they are trying to survive...that only worked for about a minute, then I saw a person with a 1 week old new born...and I lost it...the tears just came out...I tried to stop but couldn't. I will never have that big family (unless I miraculously concieve) and my mother will only be a mother to one than two. The icing on the cake of my little breakdown was when a guest speaker got up and spoke about support groups for new parents or parents to be and my husband wanted to stay and listen. I know that the world does not revolve around me but really I could not listen one more minute. Luckly those of you who have your siblings or spent over 50 years with them. Lucky those of you who ever gave birth and know the joy of watching your child grow...as for me, my luck seems to be non existent and that I am put here to be happy for others rather than myself. So here is to my pity party for myself...tomorrow I will be hereing from co-workers who mean well...how was your mother yesterday, you know once you have children...
I would love to hide and cry but I can't ....