Today I am feeling better than yesterday. I only cried once today. I keep seeing others with their siblings and I want mine back. He was a wonderful person and now I have be the only child...taking on the pressure. A year has not gone by and people act like i shoudl be normal. I am so sorry that I can not be happy for those with great news. i will never be an aunt, or have an uncle for my kids...I am feel like I am grieving the loss of a brother as well the future that should have been.
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Hello:
The last few days have been better. I have been able to find some happiness in the small things. Duane was a wonderful brother. He was strong and knew things...If I keep that memory alive and try to follow his example then he is not really gone...All of the wonderful replies I have recieved have been helpful. I appreciate everyone for sharing their stories. Knowing that the way I am feeling is normal helps more than you will know.
Thanks Sharon
I spent the day yesterday with family friends who children are the same age as my brother and I. It was hard to see all the siblings interact with one another...all of their kids calling for their aunts and uncles. It is amasing how you can detach yourself for a moment and show all of the pleasant reactions when you hear about their successes...It was even harder to hear about so and so pregnant or just had their 1st or second child. SO I have come to the conclusion that I will never get pregnant because I still need to deal with Duane\'s death...but it is so compounded with the pressure and desire to have a child...to provide grandchildren...though my parents never pressure me, I can see the longing in their faces. My friends do not want to hear about my woes...they get very quiet and I know that they do not know what to say or how to react. People would rather hear about the happy times than you are depressed or sad or angry.