update
Hello everyone,
I haven't written in a while so I give a quick update on Steve. We saw his cancer doctor last week and they called yesterday and told him that his creatine is 3.6. Of course that kinda threw him and myself into a tizzy. He is so scared of dialisis (crap can't spell that word). So the doctor in charge (his doctor is out of the country until the 16) told him to stop his Sutent for a week. He really didn't want to do that but he did. They assured him that his doctor is checking e-mails daily.
Last week or so he had a scare with bloody bowel movements. We had a local scare of e-coli after the county fair left town. Of course we went one afternoon and just walked around. He saw his local doctor who assured him it was not e-coli and gave his some meds for that. The side effect sheet is a little spooky.
I have been going through a rough patch myself. I feel bad, listless and down right mean. I seem to be depressed or something. I have no reason to be, right???? At any rate I feel like sleeping all day ( I don't) I went to the grocery store the other day and seemed like all I did was wander around. I had my daughter with me or I probably would have come home with nothing. What's with that?
I guess I have whined enough, it doesn't help to whine but I did it anyway!!! Maybe I am losing it, for the first time I think will I outlive Steve? I have cared for him so long that I guess I have forgotten about me. I remember Becca always telling me to take care of myself. Look what happened to her!!! Lord I still miss her!
Please don't worry about me, didn't mean this journal to sound so gloom. My Lord will take care of me! He has given me that promise. "I will never leave you, nor forsake you"
My love to everyone,
Wanda
I haven't written in a while so I give a quick update on Steve. We saw his cancer doctor last week and they called yesterday and told him that his creatine is 3.6. Of course that kinda threw him and myself into a tizzy. He is so scared of dialisis (crap can't spell that word). So the doctor in charge (his doctor is out of the country until the 16) told him to stop his Sutent for a week. He really didn't want to do that but he did. They assured him that his doctor is checking e-mails daily.
Last week or so he had a scare with bloody bowel movements. We had a local scare of e-coli after the county fair left town. Of course we went one afternoon and just walked around. He saw his local doctor who assured him it was not e-coli and gave his some meds for that. The side effect sheet is a little spooky.
I have been going through a rough patch myself. I feel bad, listless and down right mean. I seem to be depressed or something. I have no reason to be, right???? At any rate I feel like sleeping all day ( I don't) I went to the grocery store the other day and seemed like all I did was wander around. I had my daughter with me or I probably would have come home with nothing. What's with that?
I guess I have whined enough, it doesn't help to whine but I did it anyway!!! Maybe I am losing it, for the first time I think will I outlive Steve? I have cared for him so long that I guess I have forgotten about me. I remember Becca always telling me to take care of myself. Look what happened to her!!! Lord I still miss her!
Please don't worry about me, didn't mean this journal to sound so gloom. My Lord will take care of me! He has given me that promise. "I will never leave you, nor forsake you"
My love to everyone,
Wanda
Replies
Hi Honey!
They don\'t have to do dialysis until the Creatine reaches 7. In 2009, when Ray had the horrible reaction to Sutent, his went to 6.9. As of now, his is down to 2.6, which is the best it\'s been since 2009. If Steve doesn\'t see a nephrologist, I\'d suggest that. They do more detailed kidney function testing and will monitor Steve closely for that. We have a fantastic one in Columbia.
Hon....we all get depressed from time to time. As the holidays approach, more people seem to suffer from depression. Just know...\"This too shall pass!\".
I agree that it\'s scary and stressful to even try to imagine life without our mates. Ray and I will be married 46 years next month, God willing. No matter how old we are, or how much time we have together, it will never be enough. Still....God will give us the strength to face whatever lies ahead. Cherish each moment and only live for today.
I love you,
Ingrid
Wanda,
You are experiencing a loss of focus and it is probably due to stress...not at all surprising. This can come and go, or it can come and stay. Best thing you can do is eat well, stay hydrated, try to get out for a walk to clear your head and if you can, try yoga. These are all positive suggestions which may or may not work, but worth a try. You\'re normal!
Love,
gloria
I totally agree with Gloria that this is stress dear Wanda, and it\'s not surprising in the slightest. No matter how well things might be going, you always have the knowledge of the cancer, and the worry to eat away at you. And sometimes it\'s easier to deal with than others, but cracking a bit is so totally normal, and Gloria has some nice suggestions about how you can maybe help youself feel the littlest bit better. And never ever feel that you\'re whining - Lord only knows you need somewhere to let out what you\'re really feeling - trying to stay so strong all the time for Steve can be so very tiring (though I know you wouldn\'t give up one second of it).
Your faith is inspiring Wanda, and I write this with much love
Meriel x x x
Dear Wanda, I\'m so glad I happened to check to see if anyone has journaled or I wouldn\'t have seen this. There is no doubt that you have had tremendous stress...but, I think fear is also doing a number on you. As those special women who just wrote you, Ingrid, Gloria, and Meriel, know what you experienced is a part of this journey you are on. I know your faith is strong, but in all honesty, it still takes work to maintain hope. One thing you can know for sure is that your friends here are keeping you and Steve in our prayers. I\'m glad you let us know how you were feeling...you need to share your feelings as you know we all understand here. This is the safe place Wanda....don\'t apologize for the difficult days you will have. You\'ve been there for us and we are here for you. Take care of yourself all you can. (See some support to give you less responsibilities so you can have time to just relax)... Love you, Linda
sorry my computer keys are sticking...I meant to type seek some support...
Dear Wanda,
You are holding up better than most people would. It breaks my heart to read your pain, but you are right about taking care of yourself during this time. People sometimes forget the caregivers and all they go through. You need to try to take a little \'you time\' and get a little rest.
You are all in my prayers...
Gentle hugs to both you and Steve...
Love you....
Rachel
My sweet friend Wanda,
My heart aches for you, and I know that you are such a trooper trying to be strong for Steve and yourself. You are always there for all of us, please let us be here for you. Sending so many prayers and hugs from Texas.. Please take care of yourself.. luv ya Annette
Hi wanda, I know it is rough being a caretaker of sorts. I don\'t like that word, but its all i can think of. I know It is hard to take care of yourself, especially when worry is so overwhelming. I am glad you arent sleeping all day, that is me all the way but i submit to it. Keep strong my friend...xo CB