Pain
Steve and I got up early this morning which for him is not common. He went straight to the shower and stayed in a long time. This helps with the pain in his side and back. When he came into the den and sat in his usual chair. He started to get sick as !he sometimes does. All of a sudden he yelled out in pain! He said he pulled something in his side. He could not sit down or lay down. He tried to walk and that hurt. He said it was the most awful pain he had ever had. This went on for about 10 min. When he settled down a bit I gave him a muscle relaxer. I put a heating pad on his side and got him comfortable in a recliner. It must have helped him because he fell asleep.
For the first time the doctor recommended that palpative care could help with his pain!!! I want him to not hurt but I can tell you that my heart started flying!!!! I cannot tell you how bad it makes me feel to see him hurting like that! I am trying to stay calm for him but inside I want to curl up in a ball. We have known for a long time that this day would come. I want so badly to believe that this is caused by scar tissue but could they have broken or damaged a rib with the radiation?
As you can see I am very down this morning! We talked the other night about dying. I said to him that whomever went first the other would realize that when we close our eyes that last time that we would enter heavens gate! That gives me comfort, no more pain or sorrow.
Dear God above please give me strength,
Love you all
Wanda
For the first time the doctor recommended that palpative care could help with his pain!!! I want him to not hurt but I can tell you that my heart started flying!!!! I cannot tell you how bad it makes me feel to see him hurting like that! I am trying to stay calm for him but inside I want to curl up in a ball. We have known for a long time that this day would come. I want so badly to believe that this is caused by scar tissue but could they have broken or damaged a rib with the radiation?
As you can see I am very down this morning! We talked the other night about dying. I said to him that whomever went first the other would realize that when we close our eyes that last time that we would enter heavens gate! That gives me comfort, no more pain or sorrow.
Dear God above please give me strength,
Love you all
Wanda
Replies
Oh Wanda, I am so sorry to hear about Steve\'s severe pain episode. It must be so scary for both of you! Is there someone who can stay with Steve, if you wanted to go see your pastor or a good friend? It helps sometimes to just get away and talk to someone and get a warm hug:-)
Love, hugs & prayers for you both,
Lois
Oh Dear Wanda, I am so sorry that Steve is having such pain. Patients really shouldn\'t be suffering this much. Perhaps the pallative care folks can help with the pain. I hope so. I can imagine how frightening this must be for you and Steve. This pain is changing your lives and making the stress of the harsh reality so much greater. My heart goes out to you both. I will keep you in my heart and prayers while I am away. Wanda, you can be strong for Steve. Try not to think too much about the future and just embrace each minute you have right now. Take care my friend, Love you, Linda
Wanda,
You will make the right decisions and you will do whatever is needed to make Steve comfortable..look at what you were able to do for him this morning. You got him to rest and finally asleep. If this pain continues palliative care may be the answer. I know when I heard that it scared me to death as well. But I also can\'t say enough good about the people that came into my home and treated Buddy with love and respect....they were angels..and helped me as well. They are usually very honest and open and tell you everything to expect. I do hope this is just a episode that Steve is having and it passes. Know one like to see someone in pain...You are both in my thoughts....(((Hugs))) Ellen
Dearest Wanda,
This entry brought back a bad memory. One day Tommy called me and said that he thought that he had pulled something in his back, at the gym. (imagine he was still going to the gym - January 2011). He asked how far from home i was and if I could come home soon. Of course I did........we probably did similar stuff as you did. What this turned out to be was a VCF, a vertebral compression fracture due to the cancer that had invaded his spine (we did not know that at the time). I don\'t tell you this to scare you but to prompt you to ask the docs to take a look at Steve\'s last scans once again, to see if they see anything in his side that may have caused this wrenching pain. Tom\'s was fixed with a surgical procedure at a later date. Scar tissue built up? I guess that is possible, but it sounds more like a break. Radiation should not cause that either. But i am not the authority - your md\'s should be able to shed some light on this asap.
As for \'palliative care\', again another harsh memory for me. The day that was suggested we both cried. But guess what? It was a huge help! There was someone available all the time for any and all questions and advice we needed. And you know you can go ON and OFF that program as needed. That made us feel so much better to know that he could use it for a while, and then as he improved, release from it. I pray for you both that the days ahead will be easier and you two are so great together, that I know you will keep each other strong, and positive.
lve,gloria
Dearest Wanda, so very sorry you\'re having such a worrying time.
Like Gloria, I very much think you should be pushing to find out WHAT is causing this pain. Because if it is something related to the RCC, then the Sutent perhaps isn\'t doing its job anymore - BUT - this is by no means a disaster, as there are now many many drugs out there that Steve can try (it\'s so good that he hasn\'t gone through all of these, and has lots of options), and he\'s obviously an excellent candidate for these, as the Sutent has worked so well. And the sooner you find this out, the sooner you can move on to something else. Palliative care teams are great on pain, but, dear Wanda, there\'s no reason at all to think that using them means the end. Please don\'t be frightened. D has been on a palliative care programme ever since dx (oh I completely understand the lump in the throat, and the fear of the word) and the best thing about it is the access to a good pain team.
I\'m praying for strength, and answers, and sending much love and light to both of you
Meriel x x x
Wanda,
I am so SORRY that Steve had to have this pain and that YOU have to have all the thoughts I KNOW you are having right now. It is OVERWHELMING to say the least Please listen to these wise woman and ask as many questions as you can to find out if this is indeed something other than what you are thinking. They are right that palliative does not necessarily mean the worst. they are much more advance at pain management and are used in more cases than end of life.
although I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY what you are FEELING right now, and wish with all my heart you didn\'t have to feel ANY of it. Steve has OUTLASTED all pronisis so far, so lean on that, him, and YOURself, who is STRONG in her faith, her love, and in all that has come so far. trust in yourself, and please let us know what happens with Steve?
Sedning big hugs to you BOITH and hoping there is less pain SOON for him so you too, can relax a bit if that\'s possible.
Love, and inmy thoughts always Diane
My Sweet Wanda,
Like the others, I am very saddened to hear this about Steve. I agree with Gloria that you should have the oncologist take a second look at those last scans. I pray it\'s only a pulled muscle, too. Though hearing pallitive care is frightening, it can be a godsend. The most important thing is for Steve to have relief from pain. I truly believe that if the Sutent is no longer working for him, he has many options left. Please keep us updated.
My prayers are with you both,
Ingrid
Dearest Wanda, I am so sorry to hear about Steve\'s pain. It is a scarry thing to have that happen and not be able to make it go away immediately. Pallativbe care can sure help with pain management. I know how much his not suffering means to you. It is something we never want to have to watch our mate go through. I know that you will find the right solution for him to ease the pain and keep him going. Love and prayers are with you both... Big hugs Jane
Dear Wanda, my heart goes out to you, it is so hard isn\'t it. I will pray for you and Steve that his pain is eased and he is more himself again soon. My love to you, Nita
Dearest Wanda,
i am so sorry it took me so long to comment on your journal, i can understand how hard it is to see Steve in such horrible pain.. When Tim\'s arm fractured from the bone met i felt the same way you are feeling, but please don\'t think Pallaitive care is anyway near the end, it isn\'t Wanda.. It\'s to help manage Steve\'s pain in a much better way, try not to let the depression get to you, i know as i just went through a very tough episode of depression and i did let it get to me..
I know how helpless i felt when Tim was suffering with so much pain last summer and i just couldn\'t do enough for him, the worse the pain the more helpless i felt.. I just wanted to take it away from him, and i knew only the stronger drugs could do that.. This is where Paliative care will come in for Steve, this will help him so much and help you too..
My love & prayers are with you & steve always Wanda, please keep us updated..
Love,
Becca