in the past 24 hours i have been trying to recall a positive memory from my childhood. it all started with a thought, a realization that i could not remember a time when my family or friends cheered me on either at a school or church function. i was never in sports cause one, i was not coordinated i guess. when the class would play, i was the one that dropped the ball, if i even caught it. i most surley would duck instead of going for the baseball. i never made a hoop or ran track worth being chosen for a team. as a matter of fact....i was nevcer chosen, i was always the last one left. the one the kids "have to take" cause the other team had picked already. alot of folks talk about being that kid. i really was that kid. i remember staying away from the group or team just so they wouldn't have to "take" me out of pitty. i wasn't a bad kid, i was just disturbed. today,i can remember wanting to be part of the fun, but i didn't fit it. my grades were really really good, i was part of the class that got special treats for making the grade until someone told me that i thought i was better than them cause i was in the smart class, but they said i was really just as "brown" as they were and i wouldn't be accepted by the "white" people. i never new that there were different color people until that day. though out my childhood, i remember making bad grades on purpose so that i would not be singled out. under-achieving was the name of the game when i was in jr & hs. until i got my GED i did not realize how much time i had wasted on caring what other thought of me. One thing i do remember was being in the choir and singing with my mom in the audience. I don't actually remember seeing her there,but i know she was there. i don't actually have vivid positive memories. I want to find them.