Misery. That is how I feel, not all the time, but when i least expect it, i feel miserable. Today i will make the decision NOT to call him EVER!!! He was a bastard to me and my family, reality is that he beat me and hurt me and abandoned me many times. Maybe i need to write it down, so i can have a much needed reality check. And stop all the " Euphoric Recall". In other words Snap out of it!(*%$)+%^$##(.