So, i talked to my sister just now and i told her i just needed her strength not to call my ex. Last night i made a comment to her that expressed how frustrated i get because when i was with the abuser, people, talked sh..t but when i left they are like, you're on your own, hands up, etc. Is this me just bitchin? She said well maybe that is why people don't help you cause they now you keep going back. That hurt. So many times, i did stay with him cause i had no support system, no one to fall back on. I feel like I am loose my my footing. I know ultimately I am responsible for me, I have to own my freedom. URGHHHHHHHHHHHH.
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The recovery from an abusive relationship is long. I know I went through the same thing. Because I kept going back my friends and family didn\'t believe I would not do it again. There are many support groups that might help. I had to have faith in God and myself at times. I have gotten through this and I know that you can. Don\'t have expectations of yourself. Just try to get through today.
I know how you feel. Those who are not in that kind of relationship don\'t understand what it\'s like. They tend to minimize the help and support that you need. I wish I lived closer and I\'d come over and we could support each other. I have 8 more days until I walk out and close that door behind me. I will be right where you are, except that my family will be there, sort of. Then I will really see who my friends are. ( Not that I have many, he made them all go away.) I know the first thing I\'m looking for is a Church with a good support group. I need to talk to people who have been where I am. I\'m here if you need to talk.
coffeelady - thank you so much for your support. how is your plan? are things falling to place. do you have a safe place. make sure you have things in order and ER phone numbers. it does look like you will be in my shoes. I started this road on February 8, 2007. I mostly have good days, but i have been dreaming of him in the last 3 nights and then things started to fall apart. but i have not called him. i just try to remember the reason i left him in the first place. 1) if i call him and ask for anything it will require a sacrifice on my part ie: sex, money, a beating 2) only number one applies. My head know what to do, now i have to let my heart feel this pain in order not to feel his punishment for leaving him in the first place. earlier, i heard his voice say, you stupid f\'kn b\'tch that\'s what you wanted...i am not going back to that. thank for being there for me.