Wow...after reading some of your journals, i don\'t feel like the only one out there dealing with a violent relationship. I too have to test the waters everyday and wonder if its going to be good or bad.
Well this day is almost complete and I will go home for the weekend. I hope all is well in my life and that i can make the decision to leave for good. God help me.
Today I am proud of myself, he came home drunk and i left. I felt so good about it. I feel stong and un-stupid. This was good. He will probably tell me to stay gone.
2.16.06 Reading back on this first journal entry is eye opening. I remember him getting home drunk so many times. I remember the fear that would come over me like hot and cold water at the same time. I knew that I had to \"play\" his game or leave. I finally left so many times i got good at it. Good enough to go back countless time, without getting hit for leaving in the first place. Now, i have been gone for 10 days straight and i have mixed emotions. Happy, sad, scared, alone, free. Its all contridictory.
IT\'s September 25, 2006 and yes i am back with him. He has been sober since April, he got another DUI. We got back together in June after 4 months apart i thought he deserved another chance. He has not hit me or has a drink yet.
IT\'s Nov 8, 2007 and I asked him to move out for good. I thought I would like him if he was sober, but I found out that the ugly, mean spirited character when he was drunk is his actual character even when he is sober. So I walked away and feel great. Now I understand what people mean when they say...let god take care of the alcoholics.
10/2009. Looking back I can\'t believe how afraid I was. I am so strong and smarter than back then. My sober came when my grandchildren moved from texas to oklahoma. I made a decision to not drink or be high on anything and now we are a family that has survived those dark days. Lets keep it up!
4/17/2010. Un-fuckin believable! i am now in a sober living home and i am so glad to be free from that limited life. i still sometimes have the urge to go back, but i see now that he was a drug for me like all my other addictions. i will never get his approval and he is not what i want in my life.
Sober but still addicted to the relationship.. I live with bim separately. Roomates. After all that shit i moved back witb him one year ago after sober living. It bothers me that i am willing to live like this. Dont k ow if im just tired or still waiting....for what...i still dont k.ow.
Replies
Wow...after reading some of your journals, i don\'t feel like the only one out there dealing with a violent relationship. I too have to test the waters everyday and wonder if its going to be good or bad.
Well this day is almost complete and I will go home for the weekend. I hope all is well in my life and that i can make the decision to leave for good. God help me.
Today I am proud of myself, he came home drunk and i left. I felt so good about it. I feel stong and un-stupid. This was good. He will probably tell me to stay gone.
2.16.06 Reading back on this first journal entry is eye opening. I remember him getting home drunk so many times. I remember the fear that would come over me like hot and cold water at the same time. I knew that I had to \"play\" his game or leave. I finally left so many times i got good at it. Good enough to go back countless time, without getting hit for leaving in the first place. Now, i have been gone for 10 days straight and i have mixed emotions. Happy, sad, scared, alone, free. Its all contridictory.
IT\'s September 25, 2006 and yes i am back with him. He has been sober since April, he got another DUI. We got back together in June after 4 months apart i thought he deserved another chance. He has not hit me or has a drink yet.
IT\'s Nov 8, 2007 and I asked him to move out for good. I thought I would like him if he was sober, but I found out that the ugly, mean spirited character when he was drunk is his actual character even when he is sober. So I walked away and feel great. Now I understand what people mean when they say...let god take care of the alcoholics.
10/2009. Looking back I can\'t believe how afraid I was. I am so strong and smarter than back then. My sober came when my grandchildren moved from texas to oklahoma. I made a decision to not drink or be high on anything and now we are a family that has survived those dark days. Lets keep it up!
4/17/2010. Un-fuckin believable! i am now in a sober living home and i am so glad to be free from that limited life. i still sometimes have the urge to go back, but i see now that he was a drug for me like all my other addictions. i will never get his approval and he is not what i want in my life.
Sober but still addicted to the relationship.. I live with bim separately. Roomates. After all that shit i moved back witb him one year ago after sober living. It bothers me that i am willing to live like this. Dont k ow if im just tired or still waiting....for what...i still dont k.ow.