Ups and downs
I am feeling a little down. As Lisa's angel date approaches, I am finding it so hard to get my head around the fact she has been gone for 5 years. How can it be? A few of my SOTH are also facing, or have just survived another year without a beloved child. We all have similar feelings.
With Thanksgiving on us (well not on me as ours was last month), and with Christmas coming up, it is so bittersweet. We cherish the memories but mourn the fact that all we now have are memories.
I have been coping because I am doing my yearly job, doing resident satisfaction surveys. It really does help me to be busy and out among people. I am also trying to walk daily/ I missed a week or so and i began to spiral. It is so easy for me to go into that black hole.
I am actually okay today - I am just reflecting. We are at Andrew and Tiina's house in Edmonton. We came to see the goodies they purchased in LA. They had a wonderful honeymoon - 10 years late. We are also looking forward to our upcoming trip - in February.
Wishing all my cherished SOTH a wonderful Thanksgiving. We do have a lot to be thankful for, even though sometimes it seems not.
With Thanksgiving on us (well not on me as ours was last month), and with Christmas coming up, it is so bittersweet. We cherish the memories but mourn the fact that all we now have are memories.
I have been coping because I am doing my yearly job, doing resident satisfaction surveys. It really does help me to be busy and out among people. I am also trying to walk daily/ I missed a week or so and i began to spiral. It is so easy for me to go into that black hole.
I am actually okay today - I am just reflecting. We are at Andrew and Tiina's house in Edmonton. We came to see the goodies they purchased in LA. They had a wonderful honeymoon - 10 years late. We are also looking forward to our upcoming trip - in February.
Wishing all my cherished SOTH a wonderful Thanksgiving. We do have a lot to be thankful for, even though sometimes it seems not.
Replies
I am sorry you have to feel this ache... I read something yesterday on Facebook about how childloss can\'t be measured against any other form of grief. A man was quoted as saying \" it\'s not that I wish her back, not that I want her back. I yearn for her to be back. We yearn for our children. Such an aching need to have them that does not disappear when they do. It cannot be undone. It is amazing to me that you have put one foot in front of the other for this long. You let me know it is possible. There is purpose in our loss.to put our hand out to pull other Moms along. I wish there was no need, but there is, and you fill it beautifully. I love you for that. Lauri
Oh yes the ups and downs...they do continue. I think we feel low ahead of the anniversaries because we are reliving the days prior to their passing and remembering details of their passing. there is so much to process about what has happened to us and our families. It takes a lifetime. Gentle care my friend
5 years..... I am also there... I am also down, blue,,, whatever.... not doing so good.... but holding your hand as we walk this together.... love ya!
Oh Marlene, I totally get what you\'re saying. Five years seem like such a long time but when it comes to missing our child who has passed, it\'s just a fraction of a moment because we will deeply miss them for as long as there is life in our physical bodies. Yes, we are blessed and thankful for those memories we cherish.
I also feel it helps to keep busy doing meaningful work. Since I retired, I have been volunteering socially in different types of services. I do it also in honor of Jared. It is healing and helpful to me and others at the same time.
I also like to walk but haven\'t done so in a couple of weeks. I keep blaming it on the cold weather, which of course is a poor excuse. If you can do it up there in Canada, I have no excuse at all. :)
Please take care and be easy on yourself my friend. I know how hard the next several days can be.
With love and tight hugs,
Diane
Isn\'t it so true that the feelings just spiral out of control again when we think we have it under control. I am feeling like you how has even one day turned into now almost 5 years. When did it go that I never felt I could take another day. How have we survived.. Just as the questions of the whys how could it be we have survived through the days ,minutes, hours and now years. How has any of us survived being without our child. How can we say five years but for our minds it was just yesterday... My heart is with you. We have walked this road together since almost day one. I guess we are given a survival mode but where it comes from I do not know. Thanks for being here for me. Love, Sandi
You are an inspiration to us on this journey. We all have to take it one day or minute at a time. I know I should walk too as it is a good head clearing activity, maybe tomorrow. Hugs, Kathy
Understanding what you are describing dear Marlene and the fifth angel day for me a year ago was very challenging for me. We have talked among us about the symbolism of five years and I truly believe there is something around it. As the others have said seem so long ago, yet in the grand scheme not that long ago at all. Deepest of sighs...
You are feeling all that you need to and also engaged in living life as best as you can. One cannot ask anymore of themselves than that.
My new neighbor a week ago said she wanted me to come over for tea and she wanted to get to know Doug and hear all about him. The flood gates opened and they did again as I told my dear friend Judy, in Utah about it yesterday. It is just tender times and I\'m not sure that will ever change. Our love is great as is our loss and must believe that our children are helping us all that they can.
Loving care dear Marlene and happy that you are getting to visit Andrew and his wife and that you have things to look forward to.
Tight heart (((hugs))) and always remembering Lisa with you.
XO Joanie
Sending hugs Marlene...memories are most definitely bittersweet and all we can do is compensate as best we can. You are doing good at keeping busy mentally and physically. I try to do the same, it does help the days pass quickly and then all of sudden you think and can\'t\' believe it\'s 5 years -- for me almost 4 years. I agree I can\'t believe it...how can it be...Jason is so front and center in my mind every day how can it possibly that I haven\'t seen him in almost 4 years.
Tight hugs,
Terry
I do hope the blues go away, I know once you get into warmer weather your mood will be better. As for the 5 year mark it was the first one that I got through without so many wounds. Each year it is a battle, I will be hitting 6th year on Dec 20, I am feeling the depression creeping up at times and the tears flow and then I need to deal with hubby.
Sending you lots of hugs
Penny
Hugging you close Marlene....5 years seems a life time but also just a blink of an eye. The anticipation of the Angel Day is almost worse than the actual day. Hugs, Ann
It was five years for me this month. At times it seems like yesterday but at other times it is an eternity. I sure you feel the same. The holidays leave a void but I try to keep busy and remember happy times. When I get up in the morning I tell myself it is a beautiful day and today I will smile and be happy. Sure sometimes the smile is fake but if I don\'t try it would never come. Plan to celebrate these next few weeks. Spoil yourself. You deserve it. Work hard...play hard. The blues will fade away. Whistle a happy tune. Hugs, Hugs and more Hugs. Peggy
I so understand Marlene, I do!!! xoxoxo Connie
Five years and you have survived!! That in itself is HUGE!! We are stronger than we thought we were, or we would all be dead! \"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger\". Or so the saying goes..
Thanks, for being the wonderful, supportive sister that you are :)
(((HUGS)))...Julia