Green Smiley Monday
This is probably one of the earlier green smileys. I don't know how green and smiley I feel right now.
It is 12:17 am. I had a nap this afternoon and now I can't sleep. I tried but I just started to relive Lisa's last days and I just cried and cried. I miss her soooo much. In fact it has been an up and down week. I spent the better part of Thursday crying. We have had a friend, Dusty, staying with us for a couple of weeks. I think she is the only reason I have been more or less positive at all. She is leaving tomorrow.
So I am trying to be green. I did have a good day - until I tried to go to bed. We went and looked at tubs and toilets - okay that doesn't sound exciting but we need to renovate our bathroom. We then went for lunch.
Another green smiley is that Andrew got his second check for the screenplay he is writing. Between his day job, writing scripts for video games, and the screenplay, he is busy doing what he loves to do.
Tomorrow, I am going to visit my friend for a couple of days. She lives an hour and a half from here. Dusty, is going to drive me there on her way to Edmonton and Joe will come and get me on Wednesday. I am hoping it will help my mood. I know Joe gets upset when I am down. Then he gets down - a vicious circle. I am getting tired of this emotional roller coaster we are on.
Enough rambling.
Thank you my SOTH for being there.
Lisa: It is so hard being without you. I miss you always and love you forever.
It is 12:17 am. I had a nap this afternoon and now I can't sleep. I tried but I just started to relive Lisa's last days and I just cried and cried. I miss her soooo much. In fact it has been an up and down week. I spent the better part of Thursday crying. We have had a friend, Dusty, staying with us for a couple of weeks. I think she is the only reason I have been more or less positive at all. She is leaving tomorrow.
So I am trying to be green. I did have a good day - until I tried to go to bed. We went and looked at tubs and toilets - okay that doesn't sound exciting but we need to renovate our bathroom. We then went for lunch.
Another green smiley is that Andrew got his second check for the screenplay he is writing. Between his day job, writing scripts for video games, and the screenplay, he is busy doing what he loves to do.
Tomorrow, I am going to visit my friend for a couple of days. She lives an hour and a half from here. Dusty, is going to drive me there on her way to Edmonton and Joe will come and get me on Wednesday. I am hoping it will help my mood. I know Joe gets upset when I am down. Then he gets down - a vicious circle. I am getting tired of this emotional roller coaster we are on.
Enough rambling.
Thank you my SOTH for being there.
Lisa: It is so hard being without you. I miss you always and love you forever.
Replies
You made me smile! It\'s 5:17 am when your green smiley Monday message came across my computer as I\'m in the southeastern part of the US. We just had to spring forward with a time change and for some reason, I woke up very early. Hope you have a nice visit with your friend and that Dusty has safe travels home. Love and hugs to you and Lisa...
I am often up strange hours of the night,,my tv is company,,,and even listening to it keeps my mind from going to the place I don\'t want to go...enjoy your mini vaca..love ya!
Hi Marlene, I\'m with you my friend. I want off the emotional roller coaster! Its so hard sometimes...just ride the wave of grief and know it will subside, but it truly hurts. I\'m like Nora. When I can\'t sleep the TV goes on & fills my mind with senseless chatter. Otherwise I will revisit the horror of losing Ed. Sometimes I write an entry like you did; usually with the TV on for distraction. I watch a lot of inane television now but it gets me through the night. Glad your friend was visiting and maybe the change of visiting with your friend will help. But I know - it just plain hurts. Gentle hugs and love to you and Lisa, Linda
Wow, I\'m sorry you are suffering so much. I don\'t think the loss of a child is something we have any way to heal from as it is so out of order of what is supposed to be. I only hope the love around you brings needed rest and quality sleep -- you need at least that to do well.
I desperately need a tub as mine is barely able to be used any longer -- when you discard your old one I wonder if someone in your area might have similar issues and could reuse it -- I hope so and I would smile knowing that. I never imagined someone coping with illness and disability after the death of a spouse would actually be left without a way to keep clean -- I was wrong about so much of our collective truth as to how such people are treated.
Keep thinking the good thoughts of Lisa -- she would never want you to know pain but instead the joy shared throughout her life to celebrate -- that would be her sincere desire for you always. Feel her love and let the agony go as it does no good to suffer -- she only would want you to feel the love you two shared -- embrace her in this love and be at rest knowing this is her desire for you.
Gentle ((hugs)) shared
:-) Patricia
Night time is the hardest time for all of us, the mind just goes where it wants to go with no regard that it is torturing us..
Tight hugs, Terry
Dearest friend: I am so glad your husband is enjoying his paid work! and we are not responsible for their emotions. They have their down times, too. It\'s not the same, but it\'s bad enough. I\'m sorry for men, so many have no friends at all. Both my sons always had lots of friends.
It\'s good you\'re going visiting. A change is a big help when we get too obsessive. Just different sofas, and window scenes. love you, Abby