Thoughts
I just read Ann's journal and it made me think of this journey we are on together. I don't think any of us could have envisioned having to wake up every morning for the rest of our lives to the fact that our cherished children are no longer in this realm.
This morning I had a cry because I so wanted to call Lisa and talk about this past week. I wrote her a letter but it is just not the same. On most days I cope fairly well. Work has kept me busy but I really am not interested in keeling over on the job!! It has been interesting and I think I have made a difference but I am done (at least I hope so - Lisa used to say "Mum you will never quit - you will always be wanting to pay for the next trip". Up until now, she was right. I think we will just use Master Card and Visa and deplete our savings paying them down.
I often wonder how we got to this place in time. How did we survive the most traumatic event of our lives? How can I laugh - almost as heartily as I did before? How can I travel and marvel at the beauty of the world without having Lisa to tell about it? Or have her call us? (She could track us down anywhere in the world) How can I be joyous as I see my friend's children start families, knowing I have my one and only wonderful granddaughter? Lisa wanted more children so badly and raged when she saw child abuse or neglect. If anyone had told me that I would be able to cope, I would have told them they were off their rockers!
But, like so many before, I am coping; I am surviving, traveling, appreciating the beauty of the world. The tears come almost daily. But they are comforting. They remind me how blessed I was to have such a loving caring daughter for 37 years.
Have a great weekend. And to the Canadians in the group: Happy Thanksgiving!!
This morning I had a cry because I so wanted to call Lisa and talk about this past week. I wrote her a letter but it is just not the same. On most days I cope fairly well. Work has kept me busy but I really am not interested in keeling over on the job!! It has been interesting and I think I have made a difference but I am done (at least I hope so - Lisa used to say "Mum you will never quit - you will always be wanting to pay for the next trip". Up until now, she was right. I think we will just use Master Card and Visa and deplete our savings paying them down.
I often wonder how we got to this place in time. How did we survive the most traumatic event of our lives? How can I laugh - almost as heartily as I did before? How can I travel and marvel at the beauty of the world without having Lisa to tell about it? Or have her call us? (She could track us down anywhere in the world) How can I be joyous as I see my friend's children start families, knowing I have my one and only wonderful granddaughter? Lisa wanted more children so badly and raged when she saw child abuse or neglect. If anyone had told me that I would be able to cope, I would have told them they were off their rockers!
But, like so many before, I am coping; I am surviving, traveling, appreciating the beauty of the world. The tears come almost daily. But they are comforting. They remind me how blessed I was to have such a loving caring daughter for 37 years.
Have a great weekend. And to the Canadians in the group: Happy Thanksgiving!!
Replies
I am so glad, Marlene, that you aren\'t going to keel over on the job. We need you here, helping us move on down the lifeline laid out for us. Kiss your granddaughter for me, as mine live far away. love, abby
When the tears mix in with all the joy it becomes healing.
I\'m so glad you have found your way.
((hugs))
:-) Patricia
I love that you are able to travel Marlene. Traveling is something I love to do and when I hear about others going on trips -- especially such great friends as you -- it makes me happy. It\'s almost as though a little itsy-bitsy peace of me is going along.
It is unbelievable that we are able to go forward in this journey of grief. At first all I wanted to do was die myself and I know most Moms feel the same, yet somehow we survived and keep going with each day bringing back some memories that both warm our hearts and yet stab with pain.
Love ya Marlene... Terry
I agree with you wholeheartedly. When we lost our precious children, we just know that we can\'t go on....but somehow it just happens. I guess since God knew how hard it was to lose a child, he made us able to cope with the most horrific thing in the world...losing your child. Love to all of you, Connie
If I could count the times I have wanted to call Jeff. Too sad to think about. Love & hugs, Colleen
Understand completely...
Happy Thanksgiving to you!!!
So true, all of it.
Oh my,,,happy canadian thanksgiving!!!!!!
I know, how have we kept living and breathing , but we do in memory of our children. I can\'t tell you how I am still here but I know now that we have a survivor spirit and we can endure much more than we could ever imagine.. I have just visited the 9/11 memorial and felt moved beyond words surrounded by such loss, but each name on there represents a soul and a family surviving loss
Such a beautiful heartwarming entry, Marlene. Unfortunately, I do not have any grandchildren, so do not understand that joy over loss. But still living and breathing here and working to make ends meet! It is all I can do. Enjoy! Hugs, Belinda
Hoping your Thanksgiving was a gentle one and I appreciate reading your thoughts so very much, Marlene.
No, we don\'t want you keeling over and maybe Lisa is giving you the nudge to do now what you desire to do so perhaps she is first in line saying, \"Go for it mum.\" Glad that you are and I hear you on not believing that any of us are still standing after the worst loss a parent could ever suffer yet here we are and even finding laughter and joy in the midst. Deep exhale...
Loving care dear Marlene and grateful for your presence here and care. It matters!
Much love to you and your beautiful Lisa alway,
XO Joanie
I hope you can find a compromise between work and play... life gets tough the tough get moving LOL I hope you can figure it all out.
Hugs Penny
I am glad you are able to travel and get some pleasure from it. I find very little joy in anything, but I am only one year into this terrible grief journey. As for maxing out the visa card, go for it, lol. I plan to do just that...
((((HUGS))))....Julia
Marlene, thank you for this beautiful entry. I feel that healing is occurring for me too. I was blessed to have Ed here with me for 37 years and I am trying to make the rest of my life count. I am amazed at how the healing is taking hold and I am grateful. I write letters to Ed often too, take them to the cemetery and hope the wind takes my letters up to Heaven. I know our kids are with us but its not the same. Yet on we go...Lisa is sure proud of her mum...Love, Linda