Monday
I wish I could say I was having a green smiley Monday but it is not to be. I have been in tears for most of the day. My granddaughter was supposed to come over to spend an hour or so with my son and relatives from Thunder Bay. She chose to "have some bonding" time with her new family. I can understand but Andrew went home last evening and the rest of the family flew home this morning. She called about an hour after they left. She is here now.
I know she is 15 and that is the age where they don't have a clue how others feel. But I did tell her that I was disappointed. She was going to see me tearing up anyway so I leveled with her. She said "I'll be seeing them again". I explained that my sister is not well and has memory loss. There is a good chance she won't recognize Cevyn the next time they meet.
Of course I am a worrier and dream up the worst case scenarios. After being at the wedding (where I behaved appropriately) it became obvious that her new family is extremely materialistic. Two of her step uncles had a wad of 100 dollar bills for paying the bar tab. Her step mother and sisters wouldn't carry a regular bag - it has to be Coach or something equally if not more expensive.
Lisa went through a phase at Cevyn's age but soon got back to her practical self. I know she was trying to instill positive values in Cevyn. I hope Cevyn remembers the lessons her mom tried to teach her because she isn't going to learn them in her new family. Her dad always had the tendency to overspend. As soon as Lisa died he went out a bought a truck with all the bells and whistles. Lisa kept his tendency to show off at bay and if it hadn't for her, they would have lost their house.
I hope my worries turn out to be for naught. I know worrying helps nothing but it is a talent handed down to me from my mother!
Anyway, I am so thankful for my FMO friends - the hugs and support have gotten me through this.
My beloved Lisa: I miss you so much. Your daughter is so beautiful. I know you taught her well. You just left too soon. I love you forever.
I know she is 15 and that is the age where they don't have a clue how others feel. But I did tell her that I was disappointed. She was going to see me tearing up anyway so I leveled with her. She said "I'll be seeing them again". I explained that my sister is not well and has memory loss. There is a good chance she won't recognize Cevyn the next time they meet.
Of course I am a worrier and dream up the worst case scenarios. After being at the wedding (where I behaved appropriately) it became obvious that her new family is extremely materialistic. Two of her step uncles had a wad of 100 dollar bills for paying the bar tab. Her step mother and sisters wouldn't carry a regular bag - it has to be Coach or something equally if not more expensive.
Lisa went through a phase at Cevyn's age but soon got back to her practical self. I know she was trying to instill positive values in Cevyn. I hope Cevyn remembers the lessons her mom tried to teach her because she isn't going to learn them in her new family. Her dad always had the tendency to overspend. As soon as Lisa died he went out a bought a truck with all the bells and whistles. Lisa kept his tendency to show off at bay and if it hadn't for her, they would have lost their house.
I hope my worries turn out to be for naught. I know worrying helps nothing but it is a talent handed down to me from my mother!
Anyway, I am so thankful for my FMO friends - the hugs and support have gotten me through this.
My beloved Lisa: I miss you so much. Your daughter is so beautiful. I know you taught her well. You just left too soon. I love you forever.
Replies
It\'s so hard when the sad ache of missing a loved one comes. Cevyn (what a lovely name!) is acting like many teens. She is on her journey. She loves you, of that I am sure. Be gentle with yourself and try to take things one day at a time.
Blessings to you,
Gari
Of course you are disappointed. It was difficult for you to get through the wedding. You are keeping Lisa on you heart & in your mind. For Cevyn to choose not to join you hurt. She\'s so young and finding her way. I understand the worrying. Some of us were just born to worry. Sending you love, understanding and a gentle hug...Debbie
I think the overwhelming pain and grief, you needed to pull family together, and Cevyn was unable to connect with that need. She is too young to even understand such need and I\'m sure that only added to your pain and grief. And then to add to the pain you see Cevyn dedicating herself to bonding with her new family - that is beyond painful for you for it is \'moving on with life\' and Lisa is not there to move on with it any longer. You need lots of gentle hugs, love and comfort and I hope that is what you have plenty of. Also, as we cope with our grief there is the very real pain of others around us moving on with \'life\' and that only compounds the suffering we experience.
Just know whatever you are feeling is \'normal\' and is part of the process of acceptance and finding healing. Be very gentle with yourself - this is truly a horrific experience and loss for you to endure.
Gentle ((hugs)) shared
:-) Patricia
Marlene I once read somewhere that people\'s basic personality traits are set before the age of 4, don\'t really remember where I read that, but I\'m betting Cevyn is going to make you and Lisa very proud of her because it was Lisa that was influencing her during that time. All teenagers have difficult phases they have so much to work out, but it passes. You did the right thing to tell her how you felt, it\'s how young people learn that what they do affects others. Now that the wedding weekend is over it\'s time to take some time just for yourself and relax, you\'ve more than earned it. Sending love, Terry
Cevyn is at that age where all of those \"things\" are appealing...but she is also searching to find things to feel better too. I am sure she has been devastated by her loss...so in time she will probably realize what is truly important. Love and hugs to you...Karen
Marlene, I am sorry your are having problems. Family situations can be so tough. Teenagers are well known for always thinking the grass is greener on the other side. I hope this all turns around soon.
With love,
Leda