Green Smiley Monday
It is Monday again. I have actually posted journals during the week!
As I said, it has been an emotional week. On the one hand I am glad Beth is here as a mother figure. But I miss Lisa, not just her mortal body but the bric-a-brac that she had around. Beth's decorating sense is far more flamboyant than Lisa's. Beth and Harvey's new bed is a huge 4 poster canopy bed. The drapes are tied at the top but could be dropped. It is so not Lisa!!
The only photo of Lisa is her high school grad photo. It is a beautiful photo but there is no indication that she was part of the family and that hurts. I am going to bring it up.
But Monday is for exploring the good things.
Here goes:
1. I had a wonderful lunch with Christine, one of Lisa's dear friends. We laughed and cried together. She has been worrying about me. I tried to reassure her that I am fine and told her about the phenomenal moms of FMO.
2. We went for a turkey dinner at Beth's family's home. It was a great time. She has a large, close extended family. There were more than 20 people there. Cevyn enjoyed the buzz. It helps that her good friend Brooke is Beth's nephew's daughter.
3, Beth's sister-in-law Nancy was also a good friend of Lisa. We had a chat and she reassured me that Beth was very hesitant about her relationship with Harvey at first. She had a hard time getting her head around the fact that Lisa had been her dear friend. Nancy asked about her relationship with Cevyn. When Beth found out that Cevyn liked her Nancy reminded Beth that a teenaged girl needs a female figure. Nancy also told me that it is Beth who tends Lisa's grave faithfully.
4. Cevyn is surrounded by love. She has her dad and Beth and us and our son and DIL, Beth's extended family and friends. It will never replace her mother but she does know she is loved. I tease her that she is spoiled - Cevyn insists she is not spoiled, just well taken care of!
5. On a whole other subject, Joe booked our flights to Britain for an April 4 wedding. We will spend a month travelling around and hopefully revisit Paris.
So amid the panic attacks and crying spells, I do have a lot to be thankful for.
As I said, it has been an emotional week. On the one hand I am glad Beth is here as a mother figure. But I miss Lisa, not just her mortal body but the bric-a-brac that she had around. Beth's decorating sense is far more flamboyant than Lisa's. Beth and Harvey's new bed is a huge 4 poster canopy bed. The drapes are tied at the top but could be dropped. It is so not Lisa!!
The only photo of Lisa is her high school grad photo. It is a beautiful photo but there is no indication that she was part of the family and that hurts. I am going to bring it up.
But Monday is for exploring the good things.
Here goes:
1. I had a wonderful lunch with Christine, one of Lisa's dear friends. We laughed and cried together. She has been worrying about me. I tried to reassure her that I am fine and told her about the phenomenal moms of FMO.
2. We went for a turkey dinner at Beth's family's home. It was a great time. She has a large, close extended family. There were more than 20 people there. Cevyn enjoyed the buzz. It helps that her good friend Brooke is Beth's nephew's daughter.
3, Beth's sister-in-law Nancy was also a good friend of Lisa. We had a chat and she reassured me that Beth was very hesitant about her relationship with Harvey at first. She had a hard time getting her head around the fact that Lisa had been her dear friend. Nancy asked about her relationship with Cevyn. When Beth found out that Cevyn liked her Nancy reminded Beth that a teenaged girl needs a female figure. Nancy also told me that it is Beth who tends Lisa's grave faithfully.
4. Cevyn is surrounded by love. She has her dad and Beth and us and our son and DIL, Beth's extended family and friends. It will never replace her mother but she does know she is loved. I tease her that she is spoiled - Cevyn insists she is not spoiled, just well taken care of!
5. On a whole other subject, Joe booked our flights to Britain for an April 4 wedding. We will spend a month travelling around and hopefully revisit Paris.
So amid the panic attacks and crying spells, I do have a lot to be thankful for.
Replies
I can only imagine the swirling of emotions that you are experiencing. All so very delicate and fragile and no one ever trying to replace your beloved daughter as they could not.
Does Cevyn have pictures of her mom in her bedroom? I\'m sure that she does. This is a very sensitive and delicate topic and I hope you can feel in your heart that Lisa is never forgotten. Perhaps having Lisa\'s pictures out will come in time as she gains more security in her relationship with Harvey. One can only hope. I have learned as a mother-in-law that I have to be so careful what I offer and I\'ll never forget when my chaplain supervisor said that in reality all our children really want and need from us is to be their cheerleaders.
What fun that you have another trip to look forward to and I think you are showing so much courage with this one. It takes a village to raise these incredible grandchildren and how blessed you all are to have one another.
Safe travels and a big hug too,
Joanie
Leave it to a content teenage girl ~ Cevyn has it just right ~ \"I\'m not spoiled, just well taken care of!\"
Your description of Cevyn\'s new situation and the interactions and connections among all the extended family members positively resonates with love, mutual respect and support, and genuine affection. Such a blessing ~ though I hear and feel you when you say \"amid the panic attacks and crying spells\" you do have a lot to be thankful for! That one enormous hole in our hearts ...
Sending lots of love for a wonderful Christmas ~ with a special shout out to precious Lisa ~ Debbie
It sounds like things are going well. I like Joanie\'s suggestion of pictures of Lisa in Cevyn\'s room...maybe lots of them if that would feel good to Cevyn. I found, early on, that pictures were too hard. Hillary would say...don\'t get sucked in...they would \"take me there\"...so it is possible that it is too hard. A conversation with Cevyn would enlighten all. Your precious Lisa will always be present in everyone\'s life...this I know for sure. Love and hugs...Karen
She doesn\'t have photos in her room but there is one on the piano. I am going to talk to Beth - they took down a photo of Harvey, Lisa and Cevyn that I liked. Cevyn mentions her mom almost daily in conversation. While she and Beth were putting together a gingerbread train, she asked if I remembered when she and her mom did one. I like that. I think she will put photos in her room when she is ready. I am just glad she and Beth have a good relationship and talk about Lisa.
I would love to see photos when you can. I can feel the powerful riptides of love and loss in this entry... in the house. It does seem like everyone is doing as well as possible, and there is LOTS of love. They haven\'t swept the loss under the rug either. My cousin (Lisa!) died at age 50 and left two kids 8 and 11 who got a great stepmom like Beth. And their father is wonderful too. Even so, they are still now, 10 years later, hungry to talk with anyone who knew their mother. Over time, it might become \'moreso\' vs. less. Someday Cevyn will tell someone, a dear friend, \'yes, I lost my mom when I was little, but I was surrounded by love\'. What a long journey it is for kids like her.
Now, for the mom... Feel a hug! Oh how I understand the emotional struggle of seeing Life Go On. I don\'t want to hold Heidi or anyone back from living the life she should live. It does make me want to stop the clocks though. Just stop. It\'s not ok with my soul... not completely. Working on that.
Lots to look forward to, and lots to give thanks for in the past. Life. Swooping.
Much love, Sarah